Neji The Womanizer
by Yuxi
Summary: NejiTen. First, he's supposed to find a girl to marry. According to everyone's flawed logic and paranoia, he's now a gay closet pervert with repressed feelings. Misunderstandings abound. People will be scarred...badly. It's lovely, being Neji.
1. The Horror Begins

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or anyone else in the anime…though I wish I did own Sasuke…

**Author's Notes: **Hehehe, no need to worry this time, I didn't come up with this while in bed, I actually thought of this one at like 4 in the morning, so technically, I wasn't in bed since I had too much coke and candy…

**Warnings: **There are still those implications…although I'll actually tell you that these ones r a lot more sexual in nature, but that's ok. You have been warned, so deal with it and DON'T FLAME! Enjoy; drop a review on your way out!

_

* * *

Why be a man when you can be a success? _

* * *

With all the aspiring talk of future jobs, Rock Lee had started to feel kind of hopeless compared to all the people who knew what they wanted to do in life, namely his precious Sakura-san. She wanted to specialize in that medical gibberish he knew absolutely nothing about, but he congratulated her belatedly anyway. 

Sulking about and complaining how yellow the grass looked where they were training, he was really beginning to get on a certain girl's nerves.

That girl would be Tenten.

"Lee, if you really want to know what you should do in life, you can just borrow my laptop and do one of those career aptitude tests."

Well, needless to say, Lee stopped bugging Neji to spar right away and grabbed Tenten's innocent laptop lying on a tree stump a few feet away.

_Which color do you like best: Green or blue?_

Green…it was the only color he liked to wear anyway.

_Which color do you like best: Red or green?_

Green…what was it with those stupid people?

After 67 questions of picking favorite colors, Lee finally got to click on the button that said **Test**.

And instead of actually getting to the test, he got the results.

The colors _were _the test…

**(AN: **this actually happened to me. I did 67 questions of picking my fave color and that was it. The stupid thing told me to be a farmer! A stupid, goddamn farmer!)

_Your future career is…fortuneteller!_

"Fortuneteller!" He exclaimed happily, since he seemed to trust everything the Internet had to say, "I should be a fortuneteller!"

Perking up exponentially, Lee bounded over to Tenten and Neji to tell them the good news. He finally had something to amount to!

"Fortuneteller, huhn?" Neji said with a smirk, "Then tell me what I'm about to tell all of you right now."

Lee looked blankly at him. "You're getting married."

Tenten laughed. Then stopped. Neji looked he had gotten castrated.

Maito Gai spat out the coffee he had currently been sipping.

"Neji!" He exclaimed in that sugar-high voice, "When were you planning to tell us?"

"Yeah!" Lee cheered obliviously, "I'm psychic!"

"Oh my lord…" Tenten muttered, "Neji…you're getting…married?"

Neji just kept staring at Lee. How the hell had Rock Lee found out? Or…was he really psychic?

* * *

_  
Earlier that day… _

"Neji, you are 20 years old now, no?"

Neji gave a curt nod to Tsunade.

"Neji, I'm not sure how to say this, but since Hinata has decided to demolish the whole main and branch house crap when she turned 18, that makes you head of the Hyuuga house."

Again, he nodded.

"Neji, I really don't know how to say this, but since you're 20 now, there's a law that you must marry by the time you're 25 and have a child by 26."

This time, Neji cut off mid-nod.

"And since you're not seeing anyone, I took the liberty of setting up a marriage for you."

Hyuuga Neji actually sputtered. "Wha? Why do I have to get engaged now? It's not for another 5 years!"

Tsunade sighed. "The girl I arranged you to marry is a complete stranger. You don't know her, so I just thought a few years would be long enough for you to get to know her, and perhaps fall in love."

Neji opened his mouth to protest but was cut off by Tsunade.

"Before you even ask, you have to get married because you are now the head of the wealthiest clan in Konoha. We must be sure that there is an heir to that fortune, so we want you to start the children making as soon as possible."

Neji had never felt more mortified in his life. His Hokage was telling him to start having sex as soon as possible.

"But Neji," Tsunade half said half sighed, "I also want you to be happy, so I'm giving you a list."

"Of what?" He asked as emotionlessly as possible.

"Of all the girls you are having a date with to see if one of them can be a possible suitor for you."

Neji's left eye twitched spastically and when it stopped, his right eye started.

It was like seeing the Macarena done by eyeballs.

"Oh, it's not so bad!" Tsunade tried to convince him until she realized she was trying more to convince herself, "If you don't want to find a possible suitor, you can always just marry the girl I picked out for you! I'm sure you'll find her pretty enough and she listens quite well to instructions…"

Without another word, Neji grabbed the list and left Tsunade's office.

'_Damn…'_ He thought to himself on his way out, _'What the hell does she mean there's a law? How come I've never heard of it? Married? God DAMN!'_

For the first time in his life, Hyuuga Neji was at a loss for words.

* * *

Tenten just stayed unmoving and stared at the list Neji had provided them after his riveting story. She felt a very wide variety of emotions at the moment…from surprise to…disappointment? _'Disappointment? No, no, what could I possible be disappointed about?' _

She really didn't know what to say to Neji.

Nothing at all.

"Um…" She said after moments of very uncomfortable silence, "So…have you picked out a suitor yet?"

Tenten was relieved to say the least when Neji shook his head.

"Neji, I'd have to say you're pretty lucky." She was saying this while combating the squeezing motion her heart was making.

"You don't have to worry about finding someone to love and spend the rest of your life with."

Was she having a heart attack?

"Unlike the rest of us, you can settle down early and have a family of your own. So I'd say you're pretty lucky."

There wasn't any history of heart failure in her family…

Neji snorted. "You might consider it lucky, but I'd like to find someone to spend the rest of my life with on my own terms in my own time, thank you very much."

"Oh be a man!" Tenten said feeling kind of pissed now, "Be a **man!**"

Then without realizing it, she wrapped her arms around his chest and started squeezing.

"Be a **man**!"

Each time she thought about the best friend she had getting married, her arms tightened around him.

And then the friend we like to call Common Sense welcomed itself in Tenten's mind.

"Oh my god." She said in a rush and quickly let go of him, with only the slightest tinge of pink on her cheeks.

"Sorry…"

Neji said nothing. His lips were set in a grim and very thin line. He stood there like a statue for a while and then turned around to sit down beneath a tree.

"He looks pissed…" Gai whispered in Tenten's ear, "Go talk to him."

Tenten sighed. She supposed some of this was her fault. Still…she didn't want to be the only one who had to deal with the most anti-social Hyuuga in the universe…

* * *

Neji, who was now calmly sitting under a tree, was not in fact pissed off. He was more flustered than anything. 

When Tenten had gone and hugged him, he had gotten this tantalizing whiff of how she smelled, and in that moment, he realized what Tenten was.

The past years, she had just been a teammate he was more fond of than others, and the occasional emotions he felt was placed in that category of platonic because he didn't have any other explanation for them.

She was the closest thing he had for a best friend and he had never seen her any other way.

But today, he finally saw her as the woman she was. No longer the girl he liked to spar and sometimes talk with, not the friend he would often tease.

She was a woman. And she was a **whole lot **of woman.

Someone had once said: "Familiarity is understanding." He was not familiar with the feelings he was currently feeling, so he did not understand them. He had a vague idea, but it really scared him.

After all, what were the chances of Tenten agreeing to be his wife?

* * *

"Neji…are you okay?"

Her voice snapped him out of his reverie and he resisted the urge to squeal like a little girl. Putting on the stony face since he always had one, he muttered something incoherently and stared off to somewhere behind her.

Tenten frowned slightly at the detached look in his eyes.

Then sighed as she took a seat next to him. It wasn't his fault for being emotionally challenged. No, it wasn't that. It wasn't his fault he had forgotten how to love.

He spent so much of his life only knowing hate and fighting for himself, that he had forgotten how to love and be loved. All affection had been erased from his personality and replaced with contempt. She couldn't blame him for not knowing how to show anything else. He didn't know anything else…

Was it weird of her to want to show him how to love again?

Was it weird of her to want to ask him to choose her as the suitor?

Was it weird of her to be insanely jealous of Haruno Sakura since the younger girl happened to be number one on his list of dates?

She didn't really think so, but the rest of us do and if it weren't weird, there wouldn't be much of a plot so…yes, yes it was weird!

* * *

Neji and Tenten sat in silence as each was left to their own depressing thoughts. 

Until Lee hobbled over and picked up the list to view the damage the girls of Konoha would be suffering in the next few months.

And choked on his own air.

"Neji!" He bellowed, "I can not let you go on a date with Sakura-san!"

Neji looked up uninterestedly at him. "Why not?"

"Because…" Rock Lee sputtered, "Because I have to go on a date with her!"

This time, Neji sighed. "Fine, I'll just go on the date, and nothing will happen okay? Tsunade told me to do this and follow the list in order, although I'm not quite sure why, so that's what I'm going to do. Instead of wooing Sakura, I'll just do nothing and that way, maybe she'll go insane and decide to go on a date with you."

Lee didn't seem to get the insult and sighed in relief instead. "Ok then! Want to spar?"

Now normally, Neji would've said no. But these weren't normal circumstances.

"You're on."

5 minutes later, Lee ended up beaten to a pulp on the ground.

When Neji was pissed, Neji was REALLY pissed.

None of them noticed that Tenten's name was on the very bottom of the list…

* * *

Tsunade chuckled to herself as she thought about Neji and what his reaction could be to the news she had given him. 

Although it was true that he did have to find a wife and be married by 25 with a child by 26, she originally had no intention on letting him find a suitor himself. But seeing how the Hyuuga boy acted around a certain teammate of his, she thought it would be interesting to see how things ended up.

But first, she would have a little fun with him by making him date every girl there was in Konoha.

((( TBC )))

**Next Chapter: Haruno Sakura **

Sigh, this is much shorter than most of the things I write, but since this is multi chaptered, you'll have to deal with it. His date with Sakura is coming up next, so tune in for that!

Also, I want to make it very clear that I am not ripping off anybody else's story. I was so pissed when I got accused of that for something else, but you have to remember. There are over 10000 fics in the Naruto fandom. Some things are bound to be similar.

Anyway, you can review and tell me what order you want the girls he has dates with come in, but that means you need to drop a review…a NICE one or one with CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. No flames.

'Till next time then!

Yuxi


	2. When Pink Attacks

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or any of its characters. You would've been able to tell if I did…be glad I don't!

**Author's Notes: **Wow…this is the fastest thing I've updated…EVER! Things usually take me like 4 months! Hehehe…o btw…**READ MY AUTHOR'S NOTES AND STUFF AT THE BOTTOM! **Cuz I noe nobody does and it pisses me off…there's actually a lotta important stuff in here that I talk abt but I usually put it in the end so read that part!

**Warnings: **Well, a person I noe has decided to write a Neji/Saku story and I am so against that pairing but I'm more against the Sasu/Saku pairing (no offense) so I'm making the next few chapters especially horrifying and terrible for their date. Read at you own risk! Don't forget to review on your way out!

_**

* * *

Chapter 1: When Pink Attacks **_

_He was my North, my South, my East, my West,__  
My working week and Sunday rest;__  
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song,__  
I thought love would last forever: I was wrong._

* * *

When Tsunade had told him he was to take all the girls out on a date, he hadn't expected her to leave the asking part to him. He had just assumed that the girls already knew ahead of time!

But there he was, with a gawking pink haired girl staring at him incredulously while he was shifting around uncomfortably on her front porch.

It was going to be a long, LONG week.

* * *

Sakura's mind had shut down sometime between her answering the door and Neji asking her out. First, all she wanted to do was scream and slam the door in his face. Then she thought better of it (due to how insane it would look) and resorted to gaping at him for a while.

This was Hyuuga Neji…THE Hyuuga Neji…asking HER of all people out on a date.

If anybody, she had thought it would've been Tenten.

Besides…from his uninterested looks and cold demeanor…she had thought he was…well…

Gay.

"Ahem…" That snapped her out of whatever land she had been in.

"Er…" She said intelligibly and scratched her head. "Can we make this tomorrow?"

Neji blinked in surprise. He had more than half expected her to slam the door in his face and run away to tell her parents that a crazy man was outside trying to seduce her…but instead, she had just accepted for tomorrow! She obviously didn't know about the whole dating thing with Tsunade…so…why was she accepting?

Oh dear god…did she like him?

Neji opened his mouth to actually reclaim his offer until Sakura just turned around and closed the door in his face.

"Damn…" He muttered unhappily and made his way to training. Now he would have to actually explain to her that he wasn't interested and probably cause a scene wherever he was taking her to dinner tomorrow.

"Stupid marriage laws…"

* * *

The first thing Sakura did when she got in her house was run to her parents. Normally, a date with someone (hopefully Sasuke will finally ask her someday) would result in the banging shut of her door to her room and the phoning to Ino to tell her about it. But this wasn't a date she was thrilled beyond the point of sanity about…this thing was…just…

Weird!

"Mom! Dad! Neji-san asked me out to dinner tomorrow!"

Deadly, ominous silence greeted her. Then their kitchen practically fell apart as her mom and dad came flying at her faster than their legs could even carry them.

"What?"

"When?"

"How?"

"You need a major makeover honey! How do you expect to bear his child looking like this?"

Both Sakura and her dad turned to her mom.

"What?" Sakura demanded quietly.

Her mom swallowed nervously. "Erm…so he hasn't told you why he's asking?"

Sakura's mouth dropped open. "You mean he's asking me out to make me his…oh…my…GOD!"

Screaming like a delusional, Sakura ran up to her room and slammed the door. She didn't give a damn if their phone bill was going to skyrocket to the stars and beyond. She was going to call every single girl she knew and yak away like no tomorrow.

* * *

Tenten was just starting to get worried the slightest bit when Neji still hadn't showed up to training 3 minutes after he was due. Neji was never late.

A little blinging noise attracted her attention to her trusty laptop a few feet away. Opening the little popup, she was greeted with Sakura's insane ramblings.

**Cherry: **OMG! Tenten! Neji asked me out today! I think he wants me to be his wife!

Tenten almost bust a gut trying not to bust a gut.

**Cherry: **Tenten! Help me! I need help! Come over tonight! I need heeelllllllppppp!

That was all. Sakura logged off after 2 crazy sentences and didn't even wait for Tenten to reply. Tenten just sighed.

Sakura sure needed help, that's for sure. Didn't she know that Neji was only taking her out on a date because he was trying to pick out a possible suitor? It wasn't like it was anything serious! Unless…

Did Neji happen to conveniently leave that part out…?

Now she was pissed. For no reason, Tenten felt that green-eyed monster named jealousy (not Sakura) surge forward. She didn't even know why she felt this way.

Was Neji actually interested in Sakura? Why would he be? They hadn't even met properly before…perhaps the off hello here and there but nothing so enticing that it leads to heart failure every time they see each other.

Unless…maybe everyday after the sun went down…

NO! NO! NEVER!

It wasn't like Sakura was the one who had always trained by his side every single day! It wasn't like she was the one who would always worry about him! It wasn't like she was the one who knew him best out of everyone else! It wasn't like she was the one who was in love wit-

Woah…

Okay…

Tenten refused to let this affect her in any way. This was Neji's like and she would help him through all the insanity there was. If he was going to be happy with Sakura, then she was going to help get them together. That was the end of it.

Nope, she wasn't affected at all.

* * *

Rock Lee had been pacing around restlessly. Neji was never late…but today was the day the royally snobby Hyuuga was taking Sakura-san out! So if he were late, perhaps Neji and Sakura had decided…

To go on their date already so Neji could just skip training! A few renegade tears flew off his face as Lee jumped up in useless denial. Neji was taking _his _precious Sakura-san out to dinner and who knows what else and here they were wasting time…

His precious, _precious_ Sakura-san was gone and here he was wasting his Springtime of Youth! The wrongfulness! The unfairness! The unholy-

"Lee, why are you running around in circles like that?"

Lee stopped quite abruptly to face Tenten who was looking at him strangely.

"Neji-san has taken my precious Sakura-san to dinner and who knows what else and skipped training meaning that he's serious about her and Tenten what am I going to do if she really does decide to marry him and-"

He ran out of breath right there and took a few seconds to breathe.

Before Lee could start rambling again, Tenten took this opportune chance to tell him everything was fine.

Well, as she was saying it, another flare of insane jealousy…well…flared up inside her and she ended up whipping out a kunai and challenging Lee to a fight.

Shrugging, Lee wiped away his tears and prepared to fight.

In the next 5 minutes, Rock Lee found himself eating dirt and beaten to a pulp for the second day in a row.

* * *

The first thing Neji saw when he got to training was Tenten furiously pounding Lee into the ground. She didn't even let the poor guy breathe.

This was how he knew she was unreasonably livid with rage.

When he made his presence known by clearing his throat, Tenten flung three kunai at his head on reflex. One of them almost hit him…it was that spontaneous…

"Tenten!" He muttered in his scolding voice, "Watch where you're throwing those things!"

Tenten gave him a twitchy smile. "Sorry, I didn't see you."

Neji didn't say anything. He knew she had seen him. God, he had made so much ruckus on his way in that she would've had to be deaf and blind not to know he was there. But he didn't say anything…because like anybody else, he was afraid.

Afraid of all the things she could do with a kunai and a few shuriken.

Battling his way out of his unconscious paper bag, Lee rubbed his head and looked up at Neji. Within seconds, he was on his feet and bombarding the guy with questions.

"What did you do to my-er…Sakura-san?"

Neji rolled his (sexy) eyes. "I didn't do anything to her. I just asked her out and she told me to make it tomorrow. So I'm taking her out tomorrow."

"Oh." Lee breathed a sigh of relief. That meant there was one more day where his Sakura-san wouldn't belong to Neji! He needed to buff up to attract her!

"Let's train!"

Both boys turned to Tenten when they heard her sigh.

"Sorry guys…" She muttered, "I'm not feeling up to it anymore. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

Without waiting for an answer, Tenten walked off.

Neji frowned (not that you could tell…). Of all the people he could read, she wasn't one of them.

And it bothered him to no end!

* * *

The door to Sakura's house flew open even before Tenten's finger brushed the doorbell.

"Come in!" A deafening voice shrieked before the weapons master found herself more or less dragged inside. A few seconds and painful stairs later, Tenten was in Sakura's room staring at all the girls. Ino looked elated, Sakura looked nervous, and Hinata just looked like something between astonishment and pure horror. Tenten was with Hinata.

"Neji-kun asked me out!" Everybody turned to stare at Sakura in exasperation.

"We know; that's all you've been saying for like the past **day.**" Ino muttered to her but Tenten wasn't listening. She was still hung up on how fast Neji-san turned to Neji-kun.

It really, really, REALLY, disturbed her.

"Tenten!" Sakura exclaimed happily, "Since you've spent most time with him and you know him best…tell me about him! Like what he likes, what he hates, what he finds attractive…you know, his life!"

So…this was why she was here. Then she kicked herself in the brain (mentally). Sakura and her were friends; they were just sharing some news.

"Actually," Tenten started to say, "Neji's askin-" but stopped as she saw Sakura's face. Perhaps she really did like Neji…maybe Neji really did like her back.

Forcing a smile to her face, Tenten took the pink haired girl's hands in hers and sat down. "Neji can be a little intimidating at times. He likes to make fun of you and stuff, but don't let it get to you because that's just his defense mechanism. If you really get to know him, he's actually a really sweet guy…"

So for the next few hours until the sun went down, Tenten explained to all the girls about Neji…and every single reason why she loved him.

* * *

Sakura smiled inside as she watched Tenten talk about Neji. It was the way her face lit up, the occasional secret smile, that way her eyes would look downward every single time she said his name…that told her what was really going on.

It was undeniable. Tenten was in love with the most conceded bastard on the planet.

The weapons master wasn't that hard to figure out. It only took a few hours for Sakura to see through her. And Neji…who was always indirectly bragging about his astounding eyes and how they could read people…couldn't figure this little fact out in years.

It was too bad Tenten didn't say anything…because otherwise, Sakura would gladly give him up to her. She wasn't that interested in Neji anyway…he just happened to be pretty hot…pretty talented…and pretty rich!

After a few more hours, Tenten was finally done and boy did she look happy. Maybe reminiscing all her happy times made her cheerful…who knows?

But Sakura did know one thing. If things didn't work out between her and Neji, and she highly suspected that they wouldn't, then she would do anything in her power to push Neji and Tenten together.

Hey, that had a nice ring to it! Neji and Tenten. Tenten and Neji.

So cute…they would probably have gorgeous kids…

* * *

Neji sighed as Tenten fussed over every little detail of what he was wearing.

"I can't believe you're just going to wear pants and a black shirt to a date of this severity!" She scolded him gently, "Don't you know she could be your future wife?" Then she attempted to fix his headband so it wouldn't look so crooked…which it wasn't in the first place…

"Well," he said back to her with a smirk on his face, "I know that no future wife would be as worried and fuss over me as you."

Tenten stopped immediately and took a step back with a light blush on her cheeks. Unbeknownst to him, that had hit home harder than she wanted it to.

"Stop worrying." Neji said as he turned to leave for Sakura's house, "Everything will be fine."

Tenten gave him a tight smile and waved slowly as she watched him leave.

She wouldn't ever admit it. Hell, she could hardly admit it to herself.

But she really didn't want his and Sakura's date to go well at all…

* * *

Ino sighed wistfully as she watched Sakura turn a full circle in a very pretty pink top and jeans. Casual but cute…that's what all the guys loved these days…

"He's totally going to propose to you on the spot!" She said to her now best friend.

Sakura giggled softly. If Neji actually proposed to her tonight, she would whack him upside the head and tell him to get his scrawny ass to Tenten and ask her the question.

But hey, a girl's got to have some fun!

"I'll see you later!" Sakura exclaimed quietly when she heard the doorbell ring.

Ino just barely contained her excitement. "You have to promise to tell me all the details when you get back! I want to hear **everything!**"

"Okay! I have to go! Bye!" Sakura said in mock annoyance and left.

Who knows, maybe the night wouldn't turn out so bad.

* * *

Somewhere else…in a house far, far away…

Lee shot off his couch from the snooze he had been in due to "psychic visions".

"Oh no!" He shouted in that exuberant voice of his, "Everything's going to be ruined on their date tonight!"

Not even taking a jacket, Lee ran outside to intervene Neji and Sakura's date.

…No wonder everything was going to be ruined…

((( TBC )))

**Next Chapter: Neji and Sakura's actual date!**

Um…I know I kinda promised that this would be their date…but…hehehe…there were just a few details I had to work out…so in other words…sorry that this chapter sucked so much! O yea, **I TAKE REQUESTS AS LONG AS I DON'T OBJECT TO THE PAIRINGS! **Actually, that's it! Don't forget to drop a review on your way out!


	3. Food Is For The Weak!

**Disclaimer: **I own as much as u own, as long as u don't own Naruto!

**Author's Notes: **Hehehe…if u havnt figured it out yet, last chapter was kinda…sorta…a filler chapter…SUE ME! So…I apologize to u guys, cuz this is the actual date! Don't forget to review on ur way out!

**Warnings: **Inappropriate scenes…cuz that's the only way anything will make sense! Read at ur own discretion!

_**

* * *

Chapter 3: Food Is For The Weak!**_

_There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness._

* * *

She had never thought she would think this, but Neji wasn't half bad looking.

In fact, he could give Sasuke a run for his money…

No that she would ever say it out loud! For god's sake, she had dedicated 10 something years to the guy! The Uchihas happened to be a very good looking and…_sexy_ clan.

The Hyuugas…although she only knew of this one male named Neji, were also extremely good looking. Hell, if it hadn't been for her deep-rooted obsession, she probably would've fawned over Neji instead.

Strange thing was, she was now on a date with the guy…

Sure he was a condescending not to mention _blind_ bastard – according to Tenten – but he was just so…ugh, there wasn't any explaining it!

"Neji!" Sakura said with a sweet smile on her face, "You look good!"

He didn't even move for a while and then acknowledged her presence with a nod.

It was either her presence or existence…she preferred the former to the latter.

"Let's go!" She exclaimed happily although her insides were twisting into a complicated knot. How the hell was she supposed to have a good time when the guy wouldn't even say anything?

The I'm-always-right-and-you-know-it voice inside her ranting and screaming and railing against its cage told her the whole thing was a bad idea. It was obvious Tenten had the hots for him, and she personally didn't care much for anybody except Sasuke, so going on a date with the guy was the complete anti-friend, anti-smart, anti-sensible thing to do.

But she really, really, really, really, really, really, _really_, wanted to go out!

Crying like a little girl on the inside, Sakura disguised her heaving sigh as an excited squeal.

She only hoped they could carry on a proper conversation without resorting to suicide…

* * *

Neji had gotten damn close to snapping when Sakura had squealed dangerously close to his ear. It was the combination of the fact it was so shriek-like and the fact that he kind of…sort of…found her attractive!

It wasn't anything in the I-think-I-can-marry-her-now kind of thing, it was more physical, and as a ninja, you had to completely ignore your hormones in your early teens! There wasn't any time for dating or other nonsense like that, you were too busy training your ass off and trying not to get embarrassed in front of all your peers or teachers or…stuff!

Hormones liked to retaliate! So, after the "hard" part of life, also known as puberty, finally subsided, the hormones kicked back in fiercer than ever, causing a…well…"second puberty" kind of thing.

It was complicated and annoying.

So, without having said much more than hello to the girl, Neji found himself physically attracted to those slightly visible curves and whatnots from what Sakura was wearing.

Oh of course she was nothing compared to Tenten! Because, damn, Tenten had-

Ok, this is what he meant. Without even realizing it, his thoughts would travel to his friend for over half his (forsaken…pathetic…dull…etc…) life who had basically helped him through thick and thin. Not to mention, she was his teammate! So if they were ever sent on a mission together, which they often were, he would obviously have a biased opinion on her skills as a ninja as well as the possibility of compromising the whole damn assignment based on his feelings alone!

It was maddening! Maddening! MADDENING!

All that aside, along with rationale and reason, Tenten was, to him anyway, THE most attractive woman he had ever known.

Ever! This would be a good time for echoes.

He was actually beginning to work up a half-sweat trying to think what to talk to Sakura about when they arrived at Ichiraku until he remembered he had promised Lee not to do anything to make Sakura like him.

He personally thought Lee was asking for too much since whoever wasn't attracted to his god-like looks had to be mentally unstable, but he also didn't want Sakura to be attracted to him because…because…

…It would ruin his chances with Tenten…

Question mark? Was that a question or statement?

He really didn't know. But he did know he had to do something to make Sakura really dislike him. Or at least be disgusted to the point of no return.

Ah! An idea. Why not just tell her what the Hyuugas were really famous for?

Selling goods of course!

* * *

A lot more than "many" people had stared incredulously at them as they walked down the street.

It wasn't that, it was that they were walking down the said street _together._

Sure, Sakura was seen shopping and walking around with friends all the time, but nobody EVER saw a frightening Hyuuga attached to her arm before! Not only that, but it seemed both of them were more or less "enjoying", using the word flexibly, the whole thing!

A guy on a bike actually rode himself into a poor lady carrying a shopping bag who dropped some oranges that a few kids slipped on causing them to throw their ice cream cones into the faces of a few jounin who thought it was some sort of unexpected attack and did a few jutsus involving fire and pain.

They had caused a series of unfortunate events.

They could write a book!

Naturally, neither Sakura nor Neji noticed it because they were both too chained to their own insane thoughts to notice a purple cow with 4 heads jump over a rainbow.

So of course, people made the likely assumption that they were both so in love with each other that they didn't even communicate! They could just be within each other's presence and live contently because they know their loved one was near.

It was a whole bunch of crap, but when you see something like Hyuuga Neji and Haruno Sakura walk down the street with linked arms, a whole world of possibilities opened.

Like flying. Or bathing in fire. Stuff like that.

But not leprechauns…they're not real.

* * *

The girl working at Ichiraku choked on her tea when Sakura and Neji…Hyuuga Neji…made their way to the comfortable seats in front of her shop.

She had never seen a stranger combination in her life. Happy, perky, _strangely obsessive_ Sakura was apparently on a DATE with depressed, repressed, _just plain strange _Neji.

It was much too much. Although, they did look kind of cute together…if you ignored the twisted complications it would make in life…

But it did make sense in a lot of ways! Since Sasuke was basically the same with his the-whole-world-is-out-to-get-me theories, and my-life-isn't-worth-living attitude, and I-hate-all-of-you-with-a-passion ways, maybe Sakura finally gave up on him and moved on to the closest thing, which really wasn't any better at all!

In her humble opinion, Sakura should just give that Lee boy a chance. He was quite taken with her!

"Hello!" She greeted them in a cheery voice, "How can I help you two today?"

She also made a mental note not to cringe whenever the Hyuuga looked at her.

Sakura, sensing the immediate and intense tension, laughed nervously and pulled Neji down with her into a seat.

"We'll have two bowls of your most popular ramen, please!"

She silently thanked whatever gods there were when Neji didn't say anything. Sakura hadn't been this nervous since she ran out and confessed her love to Sasuke on the street when he was leaving nearly 10 years ago.

"So…"She said clicking her nails on the table, "How are you, Neji-kun?"

Neji really wanted a glass of water. Because then, he could take a sip and spit it out in a fierce spray and possibly alienate her. Since when did _anybody_ call him Neji-**kun**?

"Fine." He muttered in monotonously.

Then, realizing she wanted him to say something back to her, he added, "And how are you…Sakura…er…chan?"

It killed him to say it. It really did.

He could see delight show plainly on the girl's face. Oh dear…he really should stop leading her on like this.

"I'm fine!" Sakura said quite happily, "Thanks for asking!"

A pause followed.

"Um…so…Neji-kun, what do you do now?"

Neji almost smiled in relief. Almost. Sakura was making this way too easy for him. He had actually been wondering how to make their conversation steer towards the whole business related thing.

"Well," He said, sounding way too merry in Sakura's opinion, "I just joined ANBU last year. But that's not really interesting you see, because my family has a much more interesting business they've left behind for me."

Sakura nodded slowly. Something was off…

Problem 1: He sounded happy. That was just wrong.

Problem 2: She wasn't the one talking. _He_ was…and that was also just wrong.

Problem 3: Since when did Neji refer to anybody in the Hyuuga house as _family_?

Ignoring these plain facts, the pink haired girl turned her attention back to Neji.

"You see," He said pointedly at Sakura, "Statistics show that lately, there has been a rise in us ninjas being a little bit more interested in the opposite sex."

The smile froze on her face.

"So, being the geniuses we Hyuuga are, we decided to come out with a whole line of birth control methods!"

She willed herself to not let her eyes glaze over and scream to herself inside.

"Of course, the best selling type of birth control is still the condom wh-"

They both turned sharply at a loud crash and saw the ramen girl staring at the two of them with a big smile on her face and two bowls of what used to be ramen on the ground.

"Er…sorry…" She muttered, "I'll go make you two some more…"

She turned around quickly and resisted the urge to tear her hair off and run away.

She had been happily making delicious ramen for the unlikely couple. Her thoughts had wandered to how pretty the night was, and how the gentle breeze could blow the fragrance of summer in their direction. Along the way, she thought of how she was one of the few who had actually seen Hatake Kakashi's face. He sure was a hottie…

Anyway, when she had actually finished making the ramen, she had taken both bowls in her hands and headed towards the couple that seemed to be in a heated conversation.

But as soon as she got within hearing range, all she caught was the word "condom"!

Condom!

Divine righteousness! Poop on toast! She sure hoped that Neji wasn't trying to get into Sakura's pants on the very first date!

* * *

"Anyway," Neji continued after that rude interruption, "The condom is our number one best seller because…well, I suppose that people still like the old fashioned way."

He was watching Sakura's reaction very closely. At first, she seemed kind of surprised, but now she seemed quite calm and fine with it. Not a good sign.

"And…" He added hastily, "We cleverly decided to name our line 'Hyuuga Helpers!' I think that's quite smart of my uncle!"

Still not much of a reaction happening…

"We're thinking about putting my face on the wrappers to attract more female customers! Our business is actually what makes us so wealthy! So, what do you think?"

Sakura was _this_ close from falling off her stool. She vaguely remembered Tenten telling her that he would say many strange things, but this was just insane.

But…she supposed that it was all for the best. She hoped he didn't expect her to actually to keep dating him after this. In fact, she would probably avoid him after this…

Unless…

He was just testing her! He was telling her the bare truth to see how she would react! Maybe it was to see how worthy she was!

Fine, two could play at that game…

"Neji-kun!" She said and giggled, "I think that's…great!"

If he was going to try and test her how squirmish she was, then she would have to direct it back at him.

Whoever said to fight fire with fire was a goddamned fool…

* * *

That wasn't what he was expecting. Great? How was it great? He half expected her to slap him in the face and run away.

Maybe even report him to Tsunade for sexual harassment.

But instead, she had said it was great! She had to be the strangest girl he had ever met.

"Great…" He said to her.

"Yeah!" She said with a nod, "I think that's fantastic! But I've got a question for you! Do you…make diaphragms?"

He flirted with the idea of stabbing her with a kunai and committing murder-suicide.

It was quickly trashed…too many witnesses.

"Because," She said, trying not to turn red, "I really prefer diaphragms to condoms. So, do you make them?"

Sakura had no intention of telling him that she was still a virgin.

"Um…" He said uncomfortably, "I'm not really sure if we make those…"

No! He was not to be outdone by her!

"But, we do have many more options for you if you do intend to have sex!"

* * *

Rock Lee was winded by the time he found Neji and Sakura. He had run all the way from his evil and secluded house in the high mountains to Ichiraku and it was NOT a happy run. Because along the way, he just kept thinking how Neji was going to take his precious Sakura-chan away and do god knows what to her!

He had run around Konoha looking for the two of them and finally spotted them talking to each other at Ichiraku. So he hid behind a tree and stared at them.

The first time, he had thought Neji had said "condom" to Sakura and almost performed the Lotus right there, until he realized he must have been hearing wrong.

But the second time, when the fateful wind blew in his direction and he really did catch the word "sex", he had uttered a battle cry and really did start the Lotus.

That damned untrustworthy teammate of his! Only thinking about getting in Sakura's pants!

* * *

Neji was doing "fine" on his date when he suddenly heard a cry from his right.

If it hadn't been for the years and years of harsh training, he probably would've been impaled on one of Ichiraku's many comfortable stools.

It was good that he had seen Lee coming at him 300 miles per hour, because that was all it took for him to grab Sakura and swerve to the left.

Sakura, who hadn't seen anything, shut her eyes and gave a tiny "meep" as Neji pulled her away from the store.

Then they both turned in time to see Lee crash headfirst into the little defenseless shop.

It toppled.

"Lee!" Neji yelled, "What the fu-"

He didn't get to finish when Lee came charging at him, eyes wild with fury.

Oh, bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day!

He realized he couldn't attack the guy with so many people around. At the rate they were going, Lee was going to end up hurting somebody!

"Calm down!" Neji tried shouting to him but Lee just yelled again and attempted to stick his foot through Neji's midsection.

Sakura, watching helplessly at the side (since she always did), couldn't decide what to do. Should she interfere? Eh…bad idea…she would definitely get hurt. Besides, her shirt was Ino's and her friend would definitely kill her if she got it ruined.

Sigh…so she was going to have to resort to yelling at them again.

Sucking in a deep breath, Sakura exercised her vocal chords.

"**STOP IT LEE!**"

More than a few people in the growing crowd put their hands up to block that tremendous voice from their ears.

Lee stopped quite abruptly and looked at Sakura in confusion.

Then he gave one last dirty glare to Neji and quickly bounded to her side.

"Sakura-san!" He cried with emotion in his voice, "Did Neji do anything wrongful to damage your beautiful soul? I hope he didn't say anything to offend you!"

Sakura stared at him. Well, more than usual.

"How…what?"

Lee sighed. "I know it was wrong of me, Sakura-san! But I couldn't help it! I was so worried about you! And when I realized that Neji was trying desperately to get you into bed with him, I had to interfere!"

A stunned silence fell around the whole area.

Nobody said anything, but Neji could feel all their eyes land on him. Why believe the truth when you have a perfectly good lie being told to you by a stupid bushy-eye browed dumbass?

He had no doubt in his mind that everybody was going to say something different about him tomorrow…

It was mortifying.

In fact, nobody even paid attention when a devastated scream came from Naruto when he saw his precious Ichiraku in a pile of ruins.

Huhn…pillage then burn…

((( **TBC **)))

Next Chapter: **Lock Away The Ladies**

Oh my, I'm SOOO sorry this took so long to get up, but I tried writing it, then re-wrote it, then read it and changed it again, until I realized I will NEVER be happy with this chapter. It just doesn't flow well!

But that aside, I hope those of you who do read this review! And I promise to update sooner next time:D

Review and tell me what you think!

Yuxi


	4. Lock Away the Ladies

**Disclaimer: **Trust me…if I owned Naruto, u wouldn't wanna watch it anymore…

**Author's Notes: **Ha! U c? I am updating sooner! Anyway, ive been trying to find more AxL (Athrun/Lacus) fics on for sooo long and I think ive only found…5, so if anybody noes where I can get more fics with the coupling, id greatly appreciate it. Oh yea, it's Gundam Seed…not Naruto (no im not betraying this fandom!)

**Warnings: **Come on, from the last 3 chapters, do u really expect anything less crazy?

**_

* * *

_Chapter 4: Lock Away the Ladies **

_Love is the same as like except you feel sexier._

* * *

"Neji! You open this door right this second!" 

Neji groaned into his pillow. He was 20 years old for god's sake…and here he was, being yelled at like a 4 year old to open his stupid door so the rest of the family, which was basically the size of a small country, and who knows what other people, could come in and yell at him!

Well, half of them would yell. The other half would probably bombard him with questions like whether he actually made it into bed with Sakura or not.

"Hyuuga Neji."

Neji groaned again. It was his uncle…and until the day the guy died, he would always be superior.

"Open this door."

Sighing loudly, Neji reluctantly got off his comfortably un-judgmental bed and unlocked the door. Hyuuga Hiashi waltzed into the room gracefully and slammed the door into the faces of everybody else that wanted a piece of Neji to chew on.

"Neji, you should really come to me to talk about these kind of things before you let everybody else find out. The Hyuuga mansion is becoming unbalanced with the weight of all the people crowded outside your door."

Hiashi paused for a moment.

"You know it's like a small country out there. If everybody decided to push against your door, our whole mansion will probably topple like the Leaning Tower of Pisa."

Neji said nothing.

"Look, Neji. I know it's hard right now, but Hyuuga laws state that there will be none of that…_stuff_ until you're married."

This time, our favorite protagonist's head snapped up quicker than a whip.

"Don't tell me you actually believe them!" Neji said, not even bothering to hide the incredulity in his voice. "You can't honestly tell me you think I'd do that!"

He saw with a bad feeling that there was surprise in his uncle's eyes.

"Well…" Hiashi said, "You wouldn't tell anybody else otherwise…not to mention you wouldn't let anybody in your room to talk about it! Did you know that our phone has had more action in the past day than it's had since…well…ever?"

When all he got were strange looks, Hiashi sighed and decided to end the uncomfortable conversation.

"Neji, all I'm saying, is not to do anything too stupid. We specialize in this kind of thing, so you can get them for free you know!"

Neji realized with a thick thud of his heart to the bottom of his stomach that his uncle was referring to "Hyuuga Helpers."

"Anyway," Hiashi continued before Neji could explode, "Just try not to shame our family or yourself, ok? And be very, very careful…"

Hyuuga Neji before. Genius, composed, skilled, graceful, mysteriously good looking.

Hyuuga Neji now. Closet pervert, not so much of a genius, less than composed, still skillful but no longer graceful and more mysteriously good looking than before.

He didn't even have time to say anything as Hiashi quickly opened the door and slid out. Banging and yelling was heard over the calm and demanding voice of Hyuuga Hiashi.

Risking a look at his cute little bird clock, Neji realized he completely missed training. Maybe it was a good thing…he really wasn't sure he was up to dealing with Lee and perhaps a very angry Tenten.

No, it wasn't a good thing at all! That stupid mushroom-head would be spouting all sorts of nonsense to Tenten and then she really _would_ be angry! Tenten and Sakura were friends…and since Lee happened to be one of the witnesses to their conversation, there wasn't anyone else to say that it was all just a big misunderstanding!

He strongly doubted that Sakura would be trying to defend him after everything he had said last night…

He was so majorly screwed over…

Another knock on his unfortunate door came. He ignored it.

"Neji! Let me in!"

Neji turned his head towards the door in surprise. He knew that voice anywhere…

Oh dear…he hoped Tenten hadn't come all this way just to yell at him.

"It's open!" Neji "shouted" but since Neji didn't shout, it was more of an…exclamation.

Then he dimly noted that with all the people trying to get into his room, nobody even bothered to check to see if the door was just open.

"Neji!" Tenten said worriedly as she pushed the door shut again, "Are you ok? It's not like you to miss anything, especially practice!"

"There have been a few…problems…" Neji muttered to her while trying and failing not to notice that they were now trapped in his room together. "You've heard right?"

Tenten turned her head at him and put on this befuddled expression that he just found so goddamned adorable and cute and GAH!

"I haven't heard anything…" She said, and he felt like breaking down and crying because she hadn't heard the terrible things people were saying yet.

"Oh!" Tenten said looking thoughtful, "You mean how everybody's been saying that you've been a closet pervert all these years like Jiraiya and tried to get Sakura-chan into bed with you? I've heard _that_…"

Neji now just felt like breaking down and crying.

The (cute) kunoichi just smiled at him and shook her head.

"Don't fret over it!" She said with a reassuring pat to his arm, "I've heard it, but that doesn't mean I really care that much for it…"

He didn't know whether to be happy or sad.

Happy since she wasn't offended and angry, or sad because she didn't give a damn that he might've been having a raunchy sex life with other people that wasn't her.

* * *

Tenten, in fact, had been greatly affected by this news. Before she went to training, she had gotten a call from a frantic Ino that Neji was a closet pervert much like Jiraiya and to be terribly careful around him. 

She had no clue whatsoever what was going on, until Ino informed her about the past night's events…

She had stared at the phone for a good 3 minutes straight. With her mouth open!

Neji was trying to get into Sakura's pants?

Was he really that interested in her? And on the very first date too!

So Tenten had gone quietly upstairs to her room, not knowing what the correct emotion was to feel. For a while, she sat on her bed and stared at a team photo of her, Lee, Neji, and Gai-sensei. Then her attention just fell on Neji.

Lee had been standing on her left, Neji on her right, her in the middle, Gai-sensei in the back. The camera-guy was being stupid and had to take the picture extremely close to them so they were all squished in together. She then suddenly became conscious of the fact that it was the probably the closest she had ever gotten to Neji with him _willingly _agreeing to it.

Wow…they weren't very close at all.

Sure, she knew tons of details about him, but Lee probably did too. They were teammates after all. So what if she always panicked a week ahead of time searching for a birthday present for Neji? That wasn't any different from what most people would do…

So what if Neji had gotten her these beautifully **gorgeous** ribbons to tie her hair up for her birthday last year? That's what teammates did…

She supposed that she was sad right then, staring at her team photo and sitting on her bed with not much more than a frown on her face.

Then she took her pillow and screamed into it for a long, long 10 minutes until her throat was sore.

Then she supposed she was being stupid, since she should've been happy for Neji that he was finally doing something more social…even if nobody had been expecting him to do something _this _social.

Well, nothing left for her to do expect to get on with her life and help Neji out with his.

Even if it meant his life didn't include hers.

* * *

Neji watched very closely as Tenten spaced out and had this faded kind of smile on her face. 

You know, the kind where in movies, the sunshine would be hitting their face at just the right angle to illuminate it in this picture perfect moment. The kind where he could look into her chocolate eyes and he could see that she was thinking of something locked away and would never tell anyone, but it made her sad to think about it alone.

The kind where he wished he could take her face in his hands, tell her everything was ok, and kiss her until their brains hammered for oxygen.

Then he mentally slapped himself up and down for thinking such a ridiculous thing while she sat less than 3 feet away from him locked together in his room.

Where there was great access to his bed.

His soft, comfortable, **king-sized** bed.

"Er…" He said trying to run from the hentai thoughts partying in his head, "What exactly, have you heard? Was Lee the one to tell you?"

Tenten snapped out of it immediately and smiled. She then decided to sit down on his bed…

The gods were making fun of him…they really were. Tempting him, rubbing it in his face because he just _couldn't _take advantage of her like that, slowly driving him completely and utterly INSANE!

"What are you doing?" Tenten asked in mock irritation and dragged him down beside her before he realized what was happening.

So now, they were **both** on his bed TOGETHER.

He was glad that he was sitting on the side closest to the door. That way, if somehow he lost control of his hands, at least his legs would obey his commands and take him the hell outta there.

Tenten, completely oblivious to the thoughts running through his mind, tilted her head back and let out a sigh.

He couldn't stop himself from gazing at her gorgeous neck and before he knew it, that gaze had dipped a little lower.

No! The injustice! It was as if Tenten had just decided that this would be the day to torture him!

Quickly tearing his gaze away, Neji cleared his throat uncomfortably. Tenten thought that it was a sound of impatience, and realized she had left his question unanswered.

"I heard it from Ino."

Neji turned to look at her when she spoke up. He had been so out of it that it took him a while to figure what she was talking about.

"And Ino heard it from Lee, of course."

Well, that explained a lot.

"Apparently, you were talking to Sakura-chan about condoms and sex."

He couldn't stop the blood rushing to his cheeks. How mortifying…

Tenten let out a soft laugh. But only a soft one, because she didn't want to embarrass or offend Neji any further. Actually, she really didn't want to piss him off more than he was. Neji in a bad mood was like hell on earth turned up a few degrees.

"Stop worrying!" She said as reassuringly as she could, "This whole thing will blow over soon! It's just a matter of time!"

He guessed that made him feel a little better…

"Besides, you can always go for the other sex if the females really turn on you."

Neji came very close to laughing. Tenten was the only one to have this horrible effect on him. Instead, he just settled for a smile disguised as a smirk and glared at her best he could.

**Meanwhile…(dun dun dun!)**

The hallway outside Neji's door was so crammed with people that the walls had been pushed back a few inches. Now normally, there weren't a lot of people bustling in one particular section of the Hyuuga mansion. There also weren't complete strangers banging on a door either, because not just _anybody_ could waltz into the prestigious mansion.

But today, it didn't really matter to anybody who was standing there. It didn't matter if you were a Hyuuga or not; as long as you were interested in what was happening to and in Neji's sex life, then you were there, standing at his door and trying to get in.

Until…

"Move! NOW!"

A few hundred heads turned to the commanding voice…

Of none other than…

Rock Lee.

"Tell me!" He said to an innocent stranger standing nearby, "Was there a pretty Chinese girl here some time ago?"

A few nods went through the crowd. It looked like the wave!

Anyway…

"She's still in there!" Somebody shouted, and Rock Lee gasped quite loudly.

"I can NOT believe you let her in there after all the stories you've heard! What if he's doing something atrocious to her? We must get in there!"

Many nods came again as everybody got caught up in the lie.

"Hey!" Someone else shouted, "We're Hyuugas! Are we going to let a stupid door get our way?"

"NO!" Everyone, including people who weren't Hyuugas, shouted.

* * *

"I wonder what everybody's shouting about…" Tenten said and looked around Neji to the door. 

Neji shrugged. "They've been there pounding away out there for a day now. I don't really give a damn."

* * *

"Are we going to let him take advantage of a poor, innocent girl?" 

"NO!"

* * *

"It sounds like a riot's breaking out…" Tenten pointed out nervously. 

She had a bad feeling in her stomach.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Neji said as he rolled his eyes, "Hyuugas don't do riot. We're much too composed for that."

* * *

"Are we going to get in there?" 

"YES!"

"Are we going to stop his madness?"

"YES!"

"THEN LET'S GO!"

* * *

As people, the instinct to protect the person you love is in our nature. Even if it meant putting ourselves in danger in the process, it is a small price to pay to see our loved ones safe and happy. 

So, when Neji's door exploded in fireworks, his first and primal instinct was to throw himself over Tenten to protect her from whatever was happening.

Isn't it fun how he keeps incriminating himself?

Hyped up over lies and deceit, the first thing everybody saw when the dust finally cleared was a very confused Neji on top of a very confused Tenten.

Silence welcomed itself…

"He's trying to molest her!" Lee shouted in absolute outrage, and seethed deep into his troubled heart at seeing one of his once most trusted teammates on top of his very good friend. On top, and on a bed for that matter!

"As if Sakura-san wasn't enough for you!" Lee cried melodramatically, "Now you go after Tenten-chan? What unholy beast has claimed you Neji? **What?**"

Passive bystanders stood around nodding and showed their support for their insane leader by giving dirty glares to Neji.

Neji, still too confused by what just happened to even register what Lee was saying, finally realized that he was still on top of Tenten and quickly got off with a light blush.

Then he realized that people in his room were accusing him of trying to molest her.

Was that…

Lee!

Oh that conniving little mothe-

He was going to get the beating of his life followed by the most painful ripping of his skin and getting them stuffed into his eye sockets…

Neji was going to make sure of it.

Then, all of a sudden, ten people under Lee's command decided to jump him and probably beat him before turning him in to Tsunade and serve his punishment. Unholy acts were not tolerated in Konoha, after all.

But since Neji knew he didn't DO anything (feeling the slightest pang of regret), he jumped over them and ran headfirst out his window.

Ah, the life of a ninja. Who cares if his legs technically should've broken into tiny pieces and his face probably should've met his butt?

Running like the wind, Neji left behind the angry shouts of his own family.

So much for not bringing shame…

* * *

Ino was still trying to comfort Sakura although the pink haired girl insisted that she didn't need any comforting, because nothing had happened. But Ino knew otherwise…Sakura was in a horrible state of denial. Anybody who had been sexually harassed would've been in denial. 

She had been sitting there, talking about how Neji was horrible scum and he deserved to go kiss his own ass when the doorbell suddenly rang.

She almost had a heart attack when she opened the door.

There before her, stood Hyuuga Neji: closet pervert, and he looked pretty damn fine! He was panting slightly (she didn't really want to know why), and he had a very annoyed expression on his face.

"Yes?" She asked trying not to let her voice shake.

"Come to dinner with me tomorrow night."

Such a bold, blank statement!

Ino knew she should've kneed him where it hurt and slammed the door. But the _coolness_ around Hyuuga Neji was undeniable, as was his sexiness.

So she said yes.

Because, after all, it was Lee who told her that Neji was a pervert. And Lee tended to bend the truth a lot when it came to Sakura. And Lee wasn't exactly the most reliable person in the world. And Neji was always known for his composed manner, so everything that was going on just seemed like one big rumor getting more and more blown out of proportion.

Many reasons in mind, Ino smiled at him and closed the door gently. That Neji…it must have turned out bad with Sakura so now he was turning to her.

He couldn't have been _all_ bad…after all, he had great taste in women.

* * *

Neji really didn't give a damn about which girl he went out with next. The thing going around in his mind was the current situation he had in his hands. 

It wouldn't take long before everybody was saying how he first tried to get Sakura in bed and then moved on to try and molest Tenten after he was denied. It was really only a matter of time.

So, being the genius he was, Neji decided to ask Ino out before the rumor really got around and left him without anybody to date.

It was common logic. Besides, it wasn't like his oh-so-smart Hokage could really do anything to him; she came up with the idea in the first place.

This was all Tsunade's fault anyway…

((( **TBC **)))

Next Chapter: **Blonds Have More Fun**

**To all my reviewers: **I can't thank u guys enough. My apologies for having my gratitude given so late in the story, but I never, EVER thought this fic would b as successful as it is right now. So I thank u all and keep reading and reviewing!

**harukakanata:** You really made my day…I laughed so hard! For the scientific description, well…a diaphragm is a cap-like device the woman inserts up her birth canal to stop the sperm from getting to the egg and therefore becoming pregnant. Want a less than scientific description? You're not getting it from me!

So lol, watch for the next chapter 'cuz u would NOT want to miss it!


	5. Blonds Have More Fun

**Disclaimer:** Naruto…so obsessed…but sadly do not own…

**Author's Notes: **Omg im so x1000000000000000 that I havnt updated for 3 months now but ive FINALLY finished my exams (YES!) so I can update all I want now!

**Warnings: **Er…perverseness…? I'm seriously running out of ideas…

**_

* * *

Chapter 5: Blonds Have More Fun_**

_If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight._

* * *

Sakura was going through all the ways she could perhaps knock Ino out without actually hurting her when the doorbell rang. She breathed a sigh of relief and thanked the gods for their favor.

She was just fine, she really was. Neji hadn't done anything to her except kind of creep her out with all the contraception methods he made. If anything, he had saved her life when Lee freaked out on them and attacked poor Ichiraku.

Naruto was probably home crying and grieving right that second.

Anyway, Ino was so persistent that she was now scarred for life that she was starting to believe it.

Sakura knew she was going to go mad soon.

So, when Ino suddenly fell silent after 4 hours of cursing Neji, Sakura knew something was wrong. She silently tip toed down the hallway and hid behind the wall. Peeking around, she almost gasped out loud to see Neji standing at the door.

Maybe he had somehow picked up their conversation from his mansion!

Maybe he had started sneezing uncontrollably for the past 4 hours and decided to go around and see who was talking about him!

Maybe-

"Come to dinner with me tonight."

Sakura gracefully choked on her oxygen.

Maybe he just decided to ask Ino out…

Breathing out slowly, Sakura prepared to hear Ino punch him and slam the door.

She gracefully choked on her carbon dioxide when Ino said yes.

Taking this opportunity to run back to Ino's room and jump out the window, Sakura sprinted past other homes and stores only stopping for a moment to gaze longingly at Sasuke's bored form sitting on a bench.

Ino was going on a date with Neji today! After all the talk of how he was a bastard who didn't deserve to breathe, Ino had said yes to a date with him!

That hypocrite!

Damn, now she had to go around telling everybody. It was her job to be part of the gossip ring after all.

* * *

"Leave me **alone**, Lee."

"Tenten, I can not do that. I fear for your precious youth and purity."

Tenten's left hand held down her right so neither one could somehow end up in Lee's face. Then she put her right foot over her left so neither could miraculously end up making sure Lee would never have children.

"I'm not much of a youth anymore." She said through clenched teeth, "And _purity_ is really stretching it, seeing as how we kill people for a living, Lee."

"Oh dear!" Lee exclaimed to her, "I don't mean _that_ kind of purity! I mean…the other kind!"

Tenten knew exactly what kind he was talking about, but was really just ignoring all the implications that held.

"I'm just fine…nothing happened in Neji's room. I mean, seriously, what do you expect Neji to do to me?"

She knew immediately that was the wrong question to ask when Lee sucked in a deep breath of air and prepared to launch into over-protective I'm-your-close-friend-and-I-worry-so-much-about-you-and-I-fear-for-your-safety mode.

"Not listening!" She yelled at him before he could even start and walked out the door.

Then she realized it was her house so she walked back in and kicked Lee out.

* * *

"Tsunade, I know I said I owed you a favor but this is a little too far…"

Tsunade gave the girl a look.

Not a mean one, just a…look.

"Never mind…" She muttered dejectedly and sighed when Tsunade grinned in triumph.

This was dumb. Sure Tsunade had done some stuff for her in the past, but getting set up for marriage was way overdoing it in "favor" terms. Didn't this Neji person have a life of his own? Didn't he have his own girlfriend?

"Look on the bright side!" Miss Fifth Hokage who had invisible daggers going into her sides from contemptuous looks, "At least you'll get to see Sasuke again."

She chuckled (though slightly nervously) when the invisible daggers suddenly threatened to become real.

But that didn't change the fact that there was the lightest hint of a blush on the girl's cheeks.

* * *

Tenten woke up in the middle of the night…day…well, 3 o'clock in the morning with a horrible feeling in the bottom of her stomach.

She went to the bathroom and returned.

As she was drifting back into slumber land, she bolted straight up with another bad feeling in her stomach. This one was the ominous kind.

"This does not bode well…" She muttered before she realized she was saying it and sighed.

It was probably from watching too much Inu Yasha.

Shrugging it off as nothing, kunai and shuriken once again started jumping over the fence in Tenten's mind.

One kunai….

Two shuriken…

She bolted upright for the third time that night…day…3 o'clock (!) when the phone rang unexpectedly.

What kind of idiot phoned at 3 o'clock in the morning?

"What!" She barked into the phone making it sound a lot more vicious than it was intended. Well, actually, it was intended to be pretty vicious.

"It's me, Sakura!"

Tenten groaned.

"Sakura, it's 3 in the morning."

"Actually," Sakura's perky voice corrected, "It's now 3:05 in the morning."

"And that's not the point!" She quickly added when she sensed Tenten on the verge of hanging up, "I have important news!"

"I don't care!" Tenten almost wailed into the receiver. She fell back onto her soft, cushiony pillow and wished for someone to come stab her. It would be relief on her part to get away from a crazy fangirl named Sakura, even if it meant death.

Oh for Goddesses' sake! The sun wasn't even awake yet!

"You will care…" She heard Sakura whisper quietly, "Because it's about Neji."

Ok, so sue her for being a little intrigued at the sound of Neji's name.

"You have like 30 seconds before I fall asleep, Sakura."

Sakura sighed to herself in her own room. Tenten and her beauty sleep. Sheesh.

"Well, I'm sure you'll be glad to know that I overheard some interesting stuff that happened last night involving Neji and the only female blond in Konoha!"

She heard Tenten drop the phone on the other end with a loud bang.

"Hello?" Sakura said into the receiver, "Hello? Hello? Hello?"

"Yea, yea!" Tenten said in a rush, "Sorry about that, but I thought I heard you say something disturbing."

"I did." Sakura said flatly. "Neji and our only female blond."

Silence.

"But…but…but…"

"I know!" Sakura exclaimed. "That's exactly what I thought!"

"But…she…him…uh…"

"I know exactly how you feel!" Sakura nodded to herself.

"But…" Tenten managed through numb lips, "…Tsunade's SO OLD!"

Silence resonated in both the girls' rooms.

"Wha-what are you smoking?" Sakura yelled again, "I mean a blond OUR age!"

The weapon master's heart settled peacefully. Phew…if Neji had decided to go on a date with Tsunade, then she would probably go on a date with Jiraiya.

Notice how both examples are wrong and barf inducing?

"That's ok then!" Tenten said calmly, "If Neji wants a date with Temari then it's his choice!"

Sakura sighed in frustration. Amazing how stupid Tenten could be.

"I'm talking about Ino, stupid, INO!" Geez, Tenten didn't need beauty sleep, she needed intelligence sleep…

"Oh…………..." Tenten trailed off. "Ah I don't really give a flying fu-"

"But Tenten!" Sakura cut her off before that thought could ever get a chance to finish, "After all the terrible things you've heard, don't you have a problem with this? I mean, it's Ino and Neji for god's sake! They don't even look good together!"

Tenten sighed for umpteenth time. "Look, Sakura. They don't look good together. But if he really wants her on her back, then so be it!"

Sakura gaped at the phone in shock. What the hell?

"You _obviously_ need sleep." She declared, "Because you, Tenten, do not speak like that. How vulgar and disgusting…"

"So STOP CALLING at three in the morning!" Tenten yelled weakly into her receiver and slammed it back into its cradle.

Her bed was so soft…and her eyes were already halfway closed. Soft satin sheets were crumpled around her legs, feeding her this fuzzy kind of warmth that made her even sleepier. Panic was knocking from somewhere in her head but she was just way too tired to deal with it. Sighing, Tenten fell back onto her soft pillow and fell asleep.

* * *

"Ung…"

Bright sunlight was prying at his eyes to open and welcome the day.

Screw the day.

"Neji-sama, lunch!"

He muttered something unintelligibly at the door and put a tired arm over his eyes in hopes of blocking out the sun. Well, this was the last time he was going to leave the shades open at night to see the moon.

Then, conscious thought having returned to him, Neji bolted straight up in his bed. Lunch? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

Throwing a look to his right, he found that it was half past noon. What the hell.

Then he realized he was looking at the tiny Hello Kitty clock that Tenten had given him for his birthday some 15 odd years ago. What the hell. That was supposed to be in his desk drawer, not on top of his bedside table.

His eyes narrowed suspiciously and two pupils darted back and forth across his room. Clothes were thrown haphazardly across most of his furniture. A sock was crying injustice as it covered a picture of him and Tenten on his desk.

He almost smiled at the memory of him cutting it out of a picture that he took together with his team. Lee didn't look right in any kind of picture anyway.

He sat on his bed for a while.

Silence.

Then it finally hit him that the picture was for his eyes only and he bolted out of bed so fast his boxers almost flew off. It was a welcome sight for a few fangirls crowded outside his window.

What the hell! That picture he KNEW for a fact he kept taped to the inside cover of a diary he had written when he was a lot younger.

…Not that anybody needed to know he had kept a diary…

Just what had he done last night anyway?

Shrugging it off as (hopefully) nothing, Neji got dressed and went outside into the hall. Halfway to the kitchen, he smiled because the Hyuuga mansion was so impeccably neat that it made him feel all comfortably clean, not that it made any real sense. Strangely though, every person he passed looked at him all weird like he was some 50 year old man wearing a pink sundress and singing the Hallelujah chorus.

…

Anyway, it really started to unnerve him and by the time he got to the kitchen, the soft and silky hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end.

"Hinata-sama." He greeted to his cousin and sat down across the oak table from her.

Three seconds later, she still hadn't said anything so he looked up to observe this odd behavior. Instead of the normal pale-faced Hyuuga he expected to see and greet him softly, Hinata was sitting there with a face that matched Haruno Sakura's dress.

When she finally looked up at him and saw that he was staring at her, Hinata uttered a little yelp, got even redder, attempted to get away as fast she could but ended up banging the table on her way up, and caused Neji's cereal bowl to fly up and decorate his face with pretty little O's along with a milk facial.

He was so surprised he didn't even react. Hinata covered her mouth with her hands half in terror and half because she didn't want him to see her trying to suppress a laugh.

Just as she was about to apologize quite automatically, Hinata shook her head as if scolding herself and left without a word.

Neji was so confused he didn't even notice when two O's got stuck on either eyebrow and the rest formed a nice little line across his chin. Cheerio Neji was a good look…especially when it looked like his chin and eyebrows were smiling when his actually mouth was turned in a confused frown.

It was so unlike Hinata to every ignore anybody, let alone him. Shaking his head in a stunned kind of denial, Neji forced his butt out of his favorite chair and walked slowly to the bathroom.

Along the way, he swore he heard somebody mutter, "He deserved every bit of that."

* * *

Neji found that enjoying scenery around Konoha was a bit hard when every person you passed stared at you like you were some freak.

He was so grateful when he got to practice he almost kissed a nearby tree. The only thing that held him back was the beautiful memory of Kiba and Akamaru doing target practice with Akamaru peeing every which way in the air.

He hadn't set more one foot into their normal training ground when Lee tackled him so hard the air went flying out of him.

He was so surprised he again didn't even react.

It was a world record, seriously…Neji surprised twice in one day.

"Wha-" He sputtered out before Lee grabbed him by the shoulders and proceeded to try and punch him in the face.

Neji managed to dodge it and twisted Lee's arm behind his back to immobilize him.

"What the hell is **wrong** with everybody today?" Neji yelled incredulously.

First everyone stares at him. Then Hinata decides to ignore him. Then Lee tries to kill him without a word! There's usually a reason!

Tenten was just staring at the both of them. Ok, now he was extremely confused. She would usually try to break them apart…

"Oh my god…" Tenten muttered at him.

"What?" He looked around to make sure she was talking to him.

"Were you really that drunk?"

Neji stopped struggling with Lee immediately.

"…What?"

"You don't even remember?" Tenten shook her head at him.

Now he felt like a little boy's who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Except this little boy had no idea what was going on and had no memory of the past 12 hours.

Seeing the confused look on Neji's face, Lee also stopped struggling and turned to him not even bothering to hide the sigh.

"Neji, rumor has it that you got so drunk you took Ino back to your place and showed her things you wouldn't show just anybody…and then you proceeded to do very embarrassing things to Hinata."

If Neji's jaw hadn't been attached to his skull, it would've flown right off his face.

((( **TBC **)))

Strange ending huhn? Well, I need everything else to be for next chapter, so review! Oh, and I PROMISE I wont take forever with the next chapter…so review!


	6. The Lost Episode

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Naruto, there would be a character who looks suspiciously like me cuddling up to Sasuke. And no, I don't look like either Sakura or Ino, so I DO NOT own Naruto.

**Author's Notes:** Well, at least im not updating so late this time! Anyway, episode 142 of naruto scared the crap outta me…all u ppl who noticed Tenten staring at Lee with a gigantic smile on her face noe wat the hell im talking abt right? God it was so creepy…

**Warnings:** Be warned, this chapter will be exceptionally IMPLICATED and WRONG.

* * *

_**  
Chapter 6: The Lost Episode**_

_I never exaggerate; I just remember big._

* * *

After Ino shut the door quietly, it took everything in her not to jump up and down and scream her head off. Huffing and puffing excitedly, she ran back to her room and opened her mouth to tell Sakura the exciting news. Except…the only things that greeted her were an empty bedroom and an open window. 

Oh well, she didn't have time to wonder if someone had possibly abducted her best friend. She had to get ready for her date with Neji!

Opening her closet, Ino had the biggest smile on her face as she pulled out the one thing every girl was sure to have in case of emergencies.

The little black dress.

* * *

Neji breathed out helplessly as he walked away from Ino's front door. He suddenly felt like he was living some twisted psychopath's wet dream. Okay, that was wrong beyond belief, but everything that had happened to him was a sure sign that he was either insane or he was really a schizophrenic's hallucination with a mind of his own. 

Any second now, Lee would probably pop up behind a seemingly innocent bush and punch the daylights out of him.

And to think! His _own people_ turned on him in his own house! Why would they take Lee's word over his? **Why** would they think he molested Tenten?

His life was unraveling. Soon enough, a mob would probably come thundering down the street and chase him for a few miles before giving up and putting notices around town with his picture on them and a huge wanted sign painted over his face.

Great, now he was being a pessimist.

Okay, right, so he had always been a pessimist. But now he was a paranoid pessimist hitchhiking across the border between Delusional City and Pervert County.

His thoughts would've taken a turn for the worst had he realized he actually thought he might've been entering Pervert County, but it never had a chance. All of Neji's genius train of thoughts came screeching to a halt when a dull roar caught in the wind and made way to his ears.

He turned his head to the side to see if he could hear better. Then all of a sudden, the ground under his feet began to shake.

Dear god! Earthquake!

The rumbling got louder and louder as a small bud of panic bloomed in his chest. Since when did Konoha get earthquakes?

But when the rumbling didn't go away and no buildings toppled, Neji knew something was wrong. The dull roar he heard began to manifest into a pretty loud one.

Oh…crap…

Neji turned his head around and almost started crying. Why did everything have to happen to him? Why, just because he imagined a horrible scenario involving a mob in his mind, did there actually have to be one in real life? Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone?

Sighing even though he knew his life was very well at stake, Neji sucked in a breath and started running for it.

Squirrels scrambled up trees. People jumped off the road onto building tops. Everything and everyone grew quiet as they watched a closet pervert running solo down the street with a bunch of angry people carrying knives and pitchforks chasing after him.

Neji wasn't surprised to see Lee leading the pack.

* * *

Tenten's head popped up from her book as she felt a weird tremor go through her body. 

Huhn, she never knew Konoha had earthquakes.

* * *

"Sir, we lost him!" 

Lee clenched his fist angrily.

"This is terrible! Who knows what that monster will do next? People, we might have lost sight of him, but we still have our posters! Put one outside of every female's house!"

A round of "Yes sir!" was heard from the outskirts of Konoha.

Sure they lost their closet pervert to the safe canopy of trees. But sooner rather than later, Neji would have to give into temptation and wander back into the city to recommence acting out his misplaced sexual frustration.

* * *

Neji was slightly worried from where he was. For the past four hours, he had been crouching behind a large bush and waiting for any signs of assassins sent from Lee. Of course, just like he had imagined, they had chased him for a couple of miles around Konoha until they finally got tired and gave up. Lee was probably getting his people to put up posters around town right that second as he swatted away bugs and tried not to topple over. 

Rogue twigs and leaves kept catching in his silky hair. They obviously had no idea how long it took to condition and air dry all of it.

Sighing again, since he was doing it so much it should've been considered a drug, Neji turned his head up to the sky. He smiled as the memory of the one time he went to stargaze with Tenten. She had told him where the North Star was and he had to go and be difficult by telling her it would be the south star if she just turned upside down.

She had gone all quiet and then told him that it wouldn't be because that wouldn't make any sense.

Of course, by then, neither one of them was sure what made sense so she just rolled her eyes at him and told him she was going home.

That was also the one night he had walked her home and she had kissed him goodnight. Only on the cheek of course, but a kiss was still a kiss and it wasn't wrong of him to float the rest of the way home.

Fluff thoughts fresh in his mind, Neji stood up and stretched. It took him a whole five minutes to realize that he had just been staring at the stars. That meant it was night…which meant he was supposed to pick Ino up…but here he was standing arou-

He didn't even finish the thought as he sprinted back to the city to pick her up.

* * *

Ino checked herself out in the mirror one last time and blew her reflection a kiss. She looked so _good_! Black high heels and a fashionable leather purse accompanied the little black dress she was wearing. Her hair was swept back into a loose ponytail to ensure that sexy tendrils of hair would hang loose around her face. 

Perfect.

If he didn't trip over his tongue when he sees her, then she would have to declare him gay.

* * *

When Neji finally made it to Ino's front door, he was breathing hard and slightly sweaty. Sure, she just **had** to live on the opposite side of the city from where he had been hiding. 

Composing himself the best he could, Neji's finger reached up and pressed the doorbell.

The ring hadn't gone for more than half a second when the door flew open and almost scared the crap out of him.

"Neji-kun!" She screeched out through a huge peroxide smile and practically tackled him.

He let out something of an "Oomph" but everyone knows that Hyuugas would never stoop to levels so low that they would ever emote their actual emotions.

"You look good." He muttered at her as an automatic rule and then offered his arm to her. She just kept smiling at him and took his arm with a light giggle.

_I knew it!_ Ino thought to herself. _I KNEW he was gay! Who else could resist both Sakura's **and** my charm? That's the only explanation!_

Meanwhile, Neji was feeling extremely uncomfortable. Ino had latched onto his arm and had gone into a quiet little world of her own. However, that wasn't the only strange thing. Every time he passed a house he happened to know a single female lived, there was a poster with his picture on it. He was pretty sure they were notices put up by Lee and it was terribly unsettling but he couldn't even do anything about it at the moment.

He was so glad when they finally walked into a quiet little restaurant together.

It was very convenient that he was dying for a drink.

Ino settled herself across from him at the table and gave him another creepy smile that did nothing to calm him down.

"It's ok, Neji."

He looked at her strange.

"Stop pretending! I know all about it."

His stomach dropped.

"You know, it's written all over your face and the way you act. You don't need to hide it from me!"

Neji felt panic spreading through his stomach. Oh no…if Ino figured out that he was attracted to Tenten…then she would probably go tell her!

"Um…" He stalled at her, "I…don't…"

"Oh, Neji!" She laughed to him, "It's totally all right for you to be gay!"

Well, he was relieved to say the least when he realized she hadn't figured out a damn thing. Of course, a part of him crumpled and died in screaming agony when she said this to him, largely due to the fact that she said it so loudly the whole restaurant went quiet and everyone turned to stare at the two of them.

He prayed to the gods that nobody he knew was in the restaurant. He was so traumatized he couldn't even turn to glare at people staring at him. All he could really manage was this weak sort of defeated smile at Ino and tried his best to hold in the anguished tears about to spill over his lower eyelids.

"Waiter…" He managed in the calmest voice he could muster, "Get some sake."

* * *

Ino sighed contently and praised herself on a job well done. Oh, poor Neji. Poor, poor, **poor** Neji. He must've been so insecure and nervous holding that secret in. Now he was even ordering alcohol for himself. 

She promised herself that _just this once_, she was going to let it go. It wasn't his fault he had hid it in for so long and left it for her to unveil.

It really was perfectly fine for him to be gay! Who knows, maybe he would finally find happiness, since there were a frighteningly larger number of men than women in Konoha anyway.

* * *

Neji wasn't a big drinker. In fact, you could say he wasn't a drinker at all. 

But that didn't stop him in the slightest when his alcohol finally came. He just picked up the bottle, contemplated whether or not to actually use a cup since he intended on finishing it all anyway, and took a big swig.

Ino raised her eyebrows at his odd behavior.

He stared at her for a little while and played back the events that just occurred.

Then he took another large swig.

It took less than a minute for him to start feeling it.

Hyuugas, like him, believed in good health. Like his uncle always said, "You are what you look like." So, following this closely, Neji made sure to keep everything on and in his body in tip top condition. No fatty foods unless it's a really special occasion, junk food only when he had horrible cravings, and absolutely no sex, drugs, rock and roll, speed, weed, or birth control.

…

Wait…what…what was the question?

Neji shook his head and blinked a few times. Huhn, he felt really warm all over.

Ino didn't really know if it was appropriate to start laughing at him. He had drunk about half a bottle of sake and already he was starting to sway in his chair.

"Neji, maybe you should lay off the alcohol." She offered softly.

"Geez, Ino!" He slurred at her in a manner very unlike him, "Why don't **you** lay off the alcohol?"

Ino shook her head. Beautiful, he was totally drunk. Half a bottle of sake and he was dead drunk.

"Come on, happy boy." She teased him lightly as she stood, "Let's get you back home."

He nodded absentmindedly and got up. "Wait, I need to go to the bathroom."

She rolled her eyes as he swayed away and disappeared behind a wall. About 3 seconds later, he came back with 5 more bottles of sake in his arms and walked out the door. She gaped for a little while before walking to the cashier and rummaging around in her purse to pay for his alcohol.

"Don't worry about it…" The cashier said to her while still staring out the door, "It's on the house. After that, all I need for payment is a story to tell my wife."

Ino would've laughed if the situation wasn't strange as hell. She just thanked him and ran out before Neji found a cliff to throw himself off of.

* * *

Neji was sure, according to the tiny part of his brain still sober and sensible, that he would never hear the end of it if this scenario ever got out. He was walking - using the term very loosely - through the street with an arm slung around Ino's shoulders. Some part of him said to just stop drinking, but apparently the nerves in his brain and muscles in his arm grew apart sometime in the past 10 minutes and just kept bringing the bottle to his mouth. Well, not like he could really resist a drink every 2 seconds in the current state he was in, so he wasn't sobering up any…just getting more and more drunk. 

Of course, it did wonders by taking the edge off his life and world. Everything suddenly seemed so much softer to him…as if he could jump off a tree and land on his face on the pavement but it would bounce him back up like a big soft bed. Think the Matrix.

"Neji…" Ino huffed, "I don't mind helping you overcome your insecurities, but you need to stop drinking. How am I supposed to explain you to your family?"

"You don't have to." Neji slurred, but it came out more like "Ya unh hafvo."

"What do you mean?"

"You can just ignore my family and come up to my room."

Ino turned bright red at the implication and silently thanked the gods it was so dark out and that Neji was drunk.

Meanwhile, in a dark, dank little cage in his mind covered in ofudas and chains, Hentai Neji whistled and railed against his cage. Finally, a chance to come out and show the world the side of him that had been suppressed for forever!

About the same time, Sanity and Sober sighed and weighed the pros and cons of committing metaphorical suicide. If Neji was going to screw himself over with alcohol, then fine. No need for them to stay.

After ten minutes of extremely awkward silence in Ino's part, they finally reached Neji's front door. Well, to anybody normal, front gate. No door was that gigantic, elaborate and clean you could eat off of it.

Ino reached up to ring the doorbell but stopped after Neji kicked the door a few times. She guessed it made sense in his eyes…one hand was occupied by a sake bottle and the other arm was around her shoulders so of course he had to kick the door.

But then again, there **was** a doorbell.

From somewhere in the house, Ino heard someone rustling about.

"Neji nii-san!" She heard softly, "Where have you been? Do you kno-"

Hinata cut off immediately when she actually opened the door and witnessed the impossible scenario presenting itself at her feet. Ino was an unbelievably red color while Neji…Hyuuga Neji…Mr. I-am-all-mighty-and-powerful-so-bow-down-in-wonder was slumped against her and…

Hiccupping?

"What happened?" Hinata asked incredulously and moved to help Ino get Neji inside.

"Nothing happened!" Neji slurred at his cousin, "I decided to get a little drink 'cuz I was thirsty…that's all!"

"Little?" Ino could hear the silent scolding in Hinata's voice.

"All right, so I had a bit too much to drink, but see, I'm totally, totally…totally…"

The two girls waited for him to finish his sentence.

They stared at each other for a while.

"…What are you guys staring at me for?" Neji muttered in an almost childlike manner.

"He's drunk." Ino decided to inform Hinata and choosing to ignore the said man swaying around. "He won't stop drinking either, so I think we should probably put him somewhere away from pointy objects and people."

Neji's normally timid cousin sighed in disbelief. Her whole life she had expected him to be something extraordinary. Not just the Neji he showed everybody else, but that underneath his callousness and unsettling calmness, he was something wonderful that could truly bring a new legacy to the Hyuuga name.

She had never expected that he was really an alcoholic!

"Let's go…" Hinata said tiredly before dragging Neji down their decorative hallway and expensive carpet.

After they had dumped him on the bed, Ino looked over at Hinata silently and they both shared a silent laugh. If Neji ever came to after his inevitable hangover, then he would never live this one down.

"Hinata-sama!" They both heard and turned to him quickly. What was with that surprised tone of voice?

"Hinata-sama, what's that in our hallway?"

Hinata looked outside. "Neji nii-san…there's nothing there."

"There is!" Neji insisted firmly. "Look!"

Well…maybe there was something out there. Neji's Byakuugan _was_ more trained than hers after all.

"Ok…I'll go check!"

Hinata walked into the hallway only to be surprised when she felt the door being slammed shut behind her.

"Neji nii-san!" She exclaimed and pounded on the door. She didn't even have to try turning the doorknob to know it was definitely locked.

"Neji!" Ino asked in surprise on the other side, "What are you doing?"

"Well…" Neji said in a sultry (sultry!) voice, "I'm about to show you something amazing and completely unseen by anyone else…"

Ino's mind practically snapped in half. What was going on? Neji was supposed to be gay! This couldn't be happening to her!

"Neji!" She stalled, "I honestly, truly do NOT want to see your amazing anything…ok?"

"Aww…don't be a party pooper!" Neji coaxed at her and pulled her up.

From the other side of the door, Hinata had her hands over her mouth and trying not to choke in embarrassment. She honestly wanted to know if Ino was all right…but…she couldn't just use her Byakuugan and check! It would be a complete intrusion of privacy, not to mention she also detested the idea of seeing her cousin's amazing something…

GAH! The wrongness of the whole scenario!

Shaking her head as if in denial, Hinata covered her ears. A mile or so was a good distance away from her cousin.

Distance decided, she ran to the other side of the mansion.

* * *

"See this?" Neji smiled at Ino and pointed to the picture. 

Ino however, was extremely weirded out. Neji was smiling at her for one thing, and instead of being violated like she had been expecting, he had instead pulled her into a chair and yanked out something strongly resembling a diary.

The only thing stranger than that was the fact that he had a picture of him and Tenten taped to the inside cover.

"For the longest time, I wanted a picture of Tenten and I together."

His blond companion immediately fell silent. It might've been completely inappropriate for them to be in whatever situation they were in, and it was definitely embarrassing, but if it was something she could possibly use against him in the future or spread word about, then she was going to listen and listen very closely.

"So…you liked Tenten?"

Neji nodded so hard it looked like his neck would break off. "I really, really liked her, so I wanted a picture. Isn't that obvious?"

He added some of his own hand gestures.

"Sure…" Ino smiled, "Very obvious. And what is this exactly?"

"This!" Neji exclaimed proudly, "Is a team picture we took that I cut Lee out of since I'm waaaaaaaay too proud to ask for Tenten's picture directly."

"Huhn…" Ino again smiled, not at all expecting him to be so forward and direct about it. Neji should definitely get drunk more often. "It's beautiful, Neji."

"I know!" Neji sighed all sunshine and rainbows and grabbed Ino to drag her over to his bed.

Another wave of panic worked its way through Ino's system but years of trust reasserted themselves, plus the fact she knew he was drunk, gay, and still had a thing for Tenten.

He bounced off his mattress for a few minutes before spontaneously reaching over and taking out a tiny alarm clock from his desk drawer.

"…Hello Kitty?" She questioned with a raised eyebrow. Even she didn't like Hello Kitty anymore.

"Tenten gave it to me when I was…six." He explained, "So of course I've kept it for the past fifteen years…it's natural!"

"Of course it is." Ino said calmly and felt disappointed in herself. No duh it was natural to keep a Hello Kitty alarm clock in your desk drawer for fifteen years because someone gave it to you when you were six! Everybody did that!

"Ino, sarcasm is seeping out of your pores." Neji informed her before turning his attention back to the clock and tinkering with it.

Her mouth just formed a surprised and slightly offended little "o" but she soon realized there wasn't even an insult backing the comment up. He honestly felt the sarcasm radiating off her body.

Then she realized with some difficulty in comprehension that he hadn't said a single mean or smartass thing for the whole time since he had gotten drunk. This Neji was more or less fun, funny, outgoing, positive, and even cute!

It was the apocalypse.

* * *

"Maybe I should go check…no…I shouldn't…but…no…but…no…" 

…

"BUT!"

Hinata sighed. "No…"

"But I should!"

She continued to argue with herself.

If Neji was doing something terrible to Ino, and she sat there refusing to acknowledge it, then it would make her like…an accomplice! What if Ino was crying for help right that second but nobody went to help since they didn't know what was going on?

Hinata gasped. She was the only one who could stop Neji! Because, as logic would have it, she was the only one who knew about what was potentially going on!

"I shouldn't…but I MUST!" She declared and walked out of her room.

She had to leave now, or it might be too late. It did take an hour to walk to the other side of the mansion, after all.

* * *

"NO, NEJI! Get yourself back here!" 

Ino tried with all her strength to pull him back inside the room, but it was a complete waste of her time. This was because Neji was using all his strength to jump out of his fourth floor window. Of all the places to pick a bedroom, he just **had** to pick it on the highest floor of the entire mansion.

Normally, Ino wouldn't have given a damn if Neji decided to jump out of his window. But currently, he was so drunk he walked into the wall twice before realizing he wasn't going anywhere. If he decided to jump from this height, he would most likely end up breaking his neck into millions of pieces and kissing his own ass.

And THEN the Hyuugas would sue the crap out of her for killing the head of the Hyuuga clan and people would shun her until the time! She was too popular to be shunned for the rest of her life!

"Lemme…"

He took a few seconds to hiccup.

"Let me…go! I just want to see if I can land on all fours like a cat!"

"Hyuuga Neji!" Ino practically yelled, "You're not a cat! Don't try to act like one either! Haven't you ever heard that curiosity killed the damn cat? So don't go jumping out your window 'cuz I do NOT intend on getting sued for your death!"

They struggled for a little while longer and Ino was really starting to contemplate kicking him in the crotch and handcuffing him to his bed so he wouldn't go anywhere.

Then, all of a sudden, Neji was stopped moving. Ino yelped as she almost fell on her butt and glared at him.

"I'm kind of tired…" He muttered.

She was so happy she almost started crying.

"Yes! That's good! Here's bed. Bed good! Go sleep now!"

Neji gave her a funny look. "Whatever…I'm going to bed."

He then unceremoniously fell on top of it and immediately fell asleep.

"Oh, thank GOD!" Ino cried to herself and leapt out of his open window. That was the most tiring and frustrating thing in her life, but she had a good feeling about it. If Neji could just get over Tenten, then maybe he could really be happy!

She didn't even get home before she got so tired that she fell asleep on a bench.

You know, the one Sakura was on when Sasuke left?

* * *

Hinata gulped audibly when she finally reached Neji's door. It was eerily quiet and she almost lost her nerve. 

Shaking herself free from those thoughts, she rolled her fingers into a fist and prepared to bang on the door until he opened it.

* * *

Neji's vanilla eyes popped open. 

The whole time, he was congratulating himself on a spectacular performance. He finally managed to get rid of Ino so he could finally jump out of his window and be FREE!

But first…he needed to get something to eat.

He walked to the door and opened.

And promptly got punched in the face.

"Holy motherfu- what the fu- …GOD!" He yelled and clutched at his very sore face.

"I-I'm s-s-so sorry Ne-Neji nii-san!" Hinata stuttered in mortification and surprise. It was so bad she actually developed her stutter back.

"I didn't mean to! Oh…I'm…SO…sorry. I was just going to knock!"

"Who knocks that hard!" Neji yelled incredulously, "That's hard enough to break down the whole freaking door!"

After a few more minutes of Hinata fidgeting and him cursing enough to make the wallpaper peel, he composed himself and faced her with a straight face.

"…Neji nii-san…" Hinata said, "Are you all right?"

"Well, my face hurts." He said frankly.

"No, I meant you're swaying all over the place. Are you ok?"

"Yes, I was just about to jump out my window."

She stared at him for a few minutes quietly.

"Well, bye!" He said perkily and turned to resume what he had been doing.

"Neji nii-san, NO!" She cried and grabbed the back of his shirt so he couldn't do it. It was the whole him and Ino scenario all over again.

"Let go!" He yelled at her.

"No! You'll kill yourself!" She yelled back.

"I will not!" He protested.

"You will too!" She retorted.

"Will not!"

"Will too!"

"Will not!"

"Will too times infinity!" Hinata screamed at him and heard him swear.

"Fine…you win this battle, but the war is far from over!" He dictated and spun around very quickly.

She didn't have any time to react. Hinata reflexively grabbed the front of his shirt and dragged him down with her onto the floor.

At that exact second, a group of fellow Hyuugas appeared.

"What's going on? We heard shouting so we…came…to…check…"

They trailed off as they stared in wonder at what was happening. Hinata was on the floor, beet red, with Hyuuga Neji on top of her swaying precariously and grinning in what seemed like a perverted manner.

"Oh dear…" They chorused at once.

Hinata was first to react as she squirmed her way out of their awkward position and ran into the hallway with her hands over her face.

"Hinata, wait!" Neji slurred, feeling the teeniest bit of guilt, and ran after her.

She yelped at the sound of his footsteps actually following her down the hall and looked back.

"Ack!" She said when Neji appeared a lot closer to her than it seemed.

Well, he was drunk. They had lots of expensive carpet. It wasn't his fault he tripped.

"Oomph!" They said at the same time as he fell half on top of her.

By now, a lot more people had gathered. They were all in time to see Neji with his head between her knees and his hands on her chest.

It was also NOT his fault that he fell in incriminating positions.

Hinata was so freaked out by what was going on. She didn't turn red, freak out, or say anything. She just calmly removed herself from where Neji face-planted and silently walked away.

"Ow…" Neji muttered, for face planting right after getting punched did not feel good.

He also silently walked back to his room and closed the door, leaving a bunch of stunned people in the hallway to think for themselves.

An hour later, when a few maids went to check on Hinata, they found her screaming into her pillow and stabbing a picture of her cousin.

When Neji finally made it back to his room, some sense had worked its way into his system. Well, maybe not quite enough to make him sane, but enough so he gave up on the idea of being a cat.

"Tired…" He mumbled to himself and collapsed on the bed.

Within seconds, he was sound asleep, completely unaware of the consequences.

* * *

"Ino! Wake up!" 

"Mergh?" She muttered and groaned when her sore back complained.

"You should know better than to fall asleep outside on the bench!" Sakura scolded her, "What in the world were you doing anyway?"

After fighting off the initial feeling to just go back to sleep, Ino gasped and grabbed her best friend's hands.

"Sakura! I know why nothing worked!"

"What?" Sakura grumbled.

"Neji's gay!"

"…"

"…?"

"…"

"…?"

"…! **WHAT**?" Sakura screamed at her, "Neji's gay? But…but…that can't be! Neji's in love with Tenten!"

"Well I though so too!" Ino explained, "But it turns out that he's really gay, but can't get over his original feelings for Tenten!"

"Oh…" Sakura said, not really sure if that made any sense, "Then…shouldn't we get Tsunade-sama and tell her not to set him up anymore?"

Ino's eyes twinkled mischievously. "Well…maybe not to girls…"

After a few moments of silence, both girls started chuckling ominously. It might've still been dark out after Ino's date with Neji, but evil worked better in the dark anyway!

* * *

"Tsunade-sama. We have a letter for you from a girl named…Haruno Sakura." 

Tsunade sighed. She had only been gone for about 2 days and already people were writing her.

"What is that?" The girl next to her asked.

Tsunade ignored her and opened it.

_Dear Tsunade-sama,  
__I'm sorry for writing you, but this couldn't wait until you came back. Ino and I have just found out some very interesting news about Hyuuga Neji. Apparently, the only reason why all our dates failed with him was because he's gay! _

The composed Hokage choked and re-read the sentence.

_We think, in our humble opinion that you should send someone of the other gender to go out with him! Of course, it's only an idea, but it just might make him happy! Anyway, that's all the really urgent news for now. Hope you're doing well.  
__Haruno Sakura_

Tsunade exhaled slowly and looked over at the girl sitting beside her.

"Well," She started slowly, "You might not have to marry him after all."

(((** TBC **)))

Okay, the longest chapter by far, but I hoped you all enjoyed anyway! The "suspense" and "plot" are building up! So don't forget to review!


	7. Misery Loves Company

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Just like I don't own Sanzo, although I desperately wish I did...T.T

**Author's Notes:** I love the summer! Unfortunately, it's over, and I haven't updated in months -- I apologize to anyone who's still reading this thing…

**Warnings: **People who have problems with bl (boy love) and wrong scenarios, why are you even here? You should've had a problem with me 4 chapters ago!

**_

* * *

Chapter 7: Misery Loves Company_**

_They say love makes the world go round. Well, guess they've never heard of gravity._

* * *

**Tsunade's Day Planner**

_Task_: 1) Write letter to Haruno Sakura

_Task_: 2) Get self some sake

_Task_: 3) Set broody Hyuuga up with broody Uchiha

* * *

"That...that..." Neji stuttered uncontrollably as his head spun from an overload of impossible information.

"You did _all_ of that, Neji. In about 5 hours time. All of it."

"But...but..."

"No buts!" Lee lectured firmly. "Now do you realize the severity of your actions? How do you plan on making up for all this?"

Neji still hadn't gotten over the initial shock. He had revealed some deep dark secrets to Ino of all people? He had sexually harassed his own cousin? WHAT?

"But...how come I don't remember any of it?" He exclaimed wildly, "Not a single bit of it! How do your explain that?"

Tenten pondered for a moment. "Well, I'm more surprised you didn't get alcohol poisoning from all the sake you drank. That might be an explanation."

"I don't drink!" Neji protested, "I don't believe in drinking!"

"Well," Lee retorted, "Your drunk self does."

"But...she's my **cousin!**" He flailed his arms about for a while.

"Neji...Neji, Neji, Neji...I am _so_ disappointed in you." Gai tisked at him disapprovingly and waved his hand dismissively.

"I'm all for the springtime of youth, but that's just taking it too far."

Neji blanched visibly. Gai was lecturing him on his springtime of youth? It was Gai who had been trying to persuade him to show more affection towards other people for the past ten years of his life in the first place!

The three of them stood in an awkward silence.

Honestly, out of the three of them, did _anybody_ expect **Neji** to be the one that breaks first?

"Neji!"

They all turned to see Ino running at them full speed. Normally, Neji would've been impassive about it, but anything that broke him out of this weird silence was welcome now.

"I got a letter from Tsunade-sama!" She managed out between gasps of air. "It's addressed to you only so I didn't even open it!"

Even? Neji mused it over slowly in his head. He had always thought that you weren't supposed to open other people's mail anyway.

Without a word, he took the envelope and took out the letter.

_Hyuuga Neji,_

_This is your Hokage. I have heard the news, and I must admit I was surprised at first, but not so much afterwards. When didn't you just tell me? That would've saved so much time! Anyway, I have your next mission prepared for you._

Neji's eyes dropped to the bottom of the page. They stayed there for a while.

"...Neji?" Tenten asked curiously. It wasn't like their almighty Hyuuga to stand dumbfounded and glaring at a piece of paper.

They all jumped to catch him when he fainted dead away.

* * *

Sasuke yawned tiredly as he walked out of his house and into the street. It sure was hectic and loud outside for his day off. The one day that Kakashi-sensei let them off so he could buy the new Icha Icha and it just HAD to be noisy outside his house.

He couldn't even eat a peaceful lunch.

Shoving away the fangirls and occasional fanboy, he innocently made his way to his mailbox.

Bill...

Fanmail...

Ad...

Fanmail...

_**1 hour later...**_

Fanmail...

Fanmail...

Huhn, a letter from the Hokage. That was weird. Since when did the Hokage send mail? She could usually summon people within 10 minutes in her office.

Ah, the innocence...

_Uchiha Sasuke,_

_This is your Hokage. I know this is completely unconfirmed, but since you're so beautiful and you pay absolutely no attention to your beautiful fangirls, I have decided to mark you gay. Now, now, don't panic, I'm not asking you to announce it to the world. I just want you to do me a big favor. I need you to go on a date with Hyuuga Neji, and get him out of that damned closet of his. _

_You know how he is. I'm sorry to ask this of you, seeing as how you're much more comfortable around Naruto, but I swear I'll make this up to you somehow. And don't try to get out of this either, because even though I'm asking nicely, this is still an order from your Hokage. Other than that...enjoy your date tonight!_

_Tsunade (Who is still your superior Hokage)_

Sasuke nodded slowly as he carefully read the letter twice thanks to habit. He calmly folded it up again and put it in the envelope.

He shoved away a horde of fangirls again as he headed back to his house.

They all crowded around his door as it closed. Then, they all left quite abruptly when the right side of Sasuke's house exploded into smithereens.

The Chidori was quite terrifying indeed...

* * *

To obey or disobey...that was the question.

Neji preferred to just burn the letter and go tell his Hokage to shove it but then again, he would probably be dead before the words left his mouth. She was terrifying...and strong...and had a terrible temper.

Besides, it was just one little date, right? Anybody who saw them would naturally assume that the two loners had found friends in each other.

Pfft, wishful thinking. With Ino and Sakura BOTH working together on this, the news would probably spread like a cooties epidemic.

Neji wished something would fall from the ceiling and suffocate him while he was lying on the hard bed of Konoha hospital. In his humble but unwanted opinion, Tenten and Lee had WAY overreacted to his fainting. Wouldn't anybody faint if they got a letter from their normally dependable Hokage to go on a date with someone of the sex you had absolutely no interest in?

Of course! He freaked out reasonably! He had no interest in Uchiha Sasuke or males at all for that matter!

"Neji."

Neji's eyebrow barely twitched at the sound of Tenten's voice, but it was enough for her.

"I saw that Hyuuga Neji. Now stop pretending to be asleep or else I'll poke you."

When he obviously didn't believe what she said, Tenten made good with the threat and poked him between his ribs.

He sputtered and reluctantly gave in by sitting up. Damn her for knowing where he was ticklish.

"Are you going?" She asked curiously.

Neji sighed and closed his eyes. Of all the questions to ask him, why ask something so hard?

"I don't know."

"Well...you should probably decide because you're going to have to do this eventually and Tsunade-sama is coming back in like...a week."

He felt like weeping into his pillow. But since he had company and he just happened to be in love with said company, he would do no such thing. However, that did not make the desire to lessen in the least.

"Neji!" Tenten said, clearly exasperated, "You need to stop spacing out on me! Just tell me whether you feel for him or not!"

Neji's head whipped to look at her so fast she knew within a fraction of a second that she had said the wrong thing.

"I. Am. Not. Gay." He spaced the words carefully for her.

Tenten looked at him sideways. "But...the note says you are. And you pay no attention to your fangirls...and I've never seen you blush or act like you have a crush around any girls."

In his head, Neji had answers for all of them; the main one being that he was in love with a certain girl sitting in front of him, but his pride and arrogance stopped the answer long before it reached his tongue.

"There you go!" She exclaimed, "You're spacing out again! God, Neji, just tell me if you're gay!"

"No!" He annunciated for her and leaned his face in so she could take a nice long look in his eyes and confirm that he was telling the truth.

"You are so!" She retorted, feeling completely put out and a little annoyed that he kept going off into la-la land.

"I am not!" He was practically on the verge of just clamping his mouth onto hers to shut her up.

"You are TOO!"

By this point, all he wanted to do was rip his hair out and scream. Why were people always insisting that he was gay?

"Look!" He almost yelled at her, "If I were gay, then I wouldn't – couldn't – be in love with yo-"

He cut off abruptly, eyes wide only to find that she had a very similar expression on her face also.

"...What?" She said so quietly he had to strain to hear.

"Nothing." He replied and looked away, cheeks growing warm and heart thudding around wildly.

What in the Gods possessed him to say something like that?

"Neji..." Tenten started gently, feeling bad for yelling at him, "Who are you in love with?"

"Nobody." He said stubbornly and closed his eyes. Of all the days...of all the things he could've said. Of all the people he had to say it to.

An awkward silence fell on the two of them.

"Okay." Tenten said at last and got up, still confused and feeling complete vertigo. "Get well..." But by that point, she was so out of it that it came out a whisper.

Unbeknownst to her, it fell on deaf ears anyway. Neji was silently counting to a thousand in his head and trying to calm himself down. It would have been an understatement to say he was relieved when she finally left his room.

He turned his head to look out his window and quietly took in the sunshine.

Anything. Anything would be better than thinking about what just happened. Anything would be better than thinking of what Tenten was thinking right that minute.

Brooding...

"NEJI!" A voice cried, completely breaking him out of his tense reverie. Of course, when he actually saw who it was, he realized he would've preferred to just fall unconscious again.

"Neji!" Lee cried and grabbed his hands. "Are you all right? I just saw Tenten leave with an odd, un-youthful expression on her face and I had thought you died!"

Neji stared at the bowl-headed, spandex-wearing boy blankly. Was he supposed to thank him now?

"Neji!" Lee cried again, "Say something! Don't tell me you've lost your voice, crying over the grief of fainting dead away in front of three lovely women, your teammate, and your sensei!"

This time, Neji almost started to slouch from the hopelessness of his situation. God, he would really rather have **any **other distractions to get Lee away from him...

It was strange how fate played Hyuuga Neji.

Next thing both of them knew, his hospital room door banged open and in walked Uchiha Sasuke.

That was weird. He didn't even know the guy very well; much less expect a visit from him. Hell, he hadn't even ever talked to Sasuke before...the most they've ever done was probably smirk at something or someone together.

"..." Neji said, since it was the only thing that came to mind.

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, looked like he was about to throw up, closed his mouth, opened it again, resembled a fish, and then opened his mouth one last time to say something.

He was cut off when Sakura and Ino ran in behind him and squealed while looking at him.

Ok...now things were suspicious and creepy.

"What...?" Neji muttered none to nicely, seeing as how he had just pissed Tenten off.

Sasuke looked like he was about to commit suicide. Then, all of a sudden, a look of pure determination appeared on his face and he swallowed the huge ball of discomfort in his throat.

"Hyuuga Neji, I'm going to take you out on a date tonight."

Neji changed his mind. He might've wanted a distraction, but not this far.

((( **TBC **)))

Mergh...I know, nothing happened, but I really haven't updated in SUCH a long time...so there u go. XD For all of u who ARE still reading this, don't forget to leave a review. I'm too caught up with Final Fantasy VII ( CLOTI ROCKS! ) so it may take me a while to update this thing.


	8. Cruel to Be Kind

**Disclaimer: **I still own nothing, otherwise people would be doing a lot more than far-off staring in the anime…

**Author's Notes: **Hehe, took forever this time to update, but still only a couple of months or so right? Anyway, the only way to cure writer's block is to write, but honestly, I've seen like 30 new animes since I last updated this thing, so naruto's not exactly on the favorites list anymore with those neverending fillers…

**Warnings:** I guarantee that you'll be stupider after reading this chapter --;;

_**

* * *

Chapter 8: Cruel to Be Kind **_

_Artificial intelligence will never be a match for natural stupidity._

_**

* * *

** _

**Recap since it's been forever...**

_Neji has been asked out by our favorite Uchiha and is in stunned silence. He is now anxiously waiting the pretty Hyuuga's reply. Remember, they must do this 'cuz Tsunade is forcing them…not 'cuz they really really want each other…lol_

* * *

"I have no intention of replying to that." 

Crickets chirped outside. The sun was still out and it warmed the heads if not hearts of people walking outside. Golden sunshine poured into a lonely, non-descript window in the Konoha hospital and spilled onto the hair of one Hyuuga Neji.

Of course, inside, everyone was pretty sure the sunshine would rather have shone somewhere else.

Paint peeled off walls. Air remained stale and tinged with medicinal smells. Tumbleweed rolled across newly polished floors. Hyuuga Neji and Uchiha Sasuke stared at each other like a blemish, god forbid, had appeared on both their beautiful and perfectly smooth faces.

Sakura and Ino smiled nervously at each other. Well, this hadn't turned out the way they were expecting.

"What?" Sasuke asked quietly at last, not expecting such a cold response.

"I said: I have no intention of replying to that." Neji lapsed back into the tense silence.

He stared at Sasuke. Sasuke stared at him. Sakura stared at Sasuke. Ino stared at Neji. Lee danced around outside in the hallway and greeted passing nurses.

Sasuke turned his head a little ways to the side and squinted at Neji. Maybe Neji just didn't know what was going on…

"Look," He said pretty blankly, "I'm not doing this by choice. The fact of the matter is-"

"I know." Neji cut him off. "Tsunade sent me the letter."

"You too?"

"Of course."

"Then it said?"

"Clear as day."

"Was it pretentious?"

"That she was far more-"

"Superior." Sasuke finished for him with a smirk.

Sakura and Ino practically swooned on their feet. The two hottest ninjas in Konoha were finishing each other's thoughts! Not only that, but it made sense to them!

"Then I guess I'll pick you up tonight." Sasuke said at last and turned on his heels to leave.

When his almighty presence finally left the room, Ino rushed towards Neji and bent down to whisper in his ear.

"You're so totally welcome!"

Neji almost burst a blood vessel.

Before he could open a can of whoop-ass on either of them, Sakura grabbed her best friend by the hand and dragged her outside.

There was no doubt in Neji's mind that they were going to tell every single living soul what they knew about his exciting plans that night.

Now if only he were gay…

* * *

Sakura and Ino were gossiping to each other so fast as they walked that it pretty much surpassed the speed of sound and sounded like nonsensical gibberish to anyone else that heard them. 

But hey, it made sense to them, and that's all that mattered.

"We need to dress him up pretty!" Sakura plotted with a huge grin on her face.

"We do indeed! Do you know what kind of color Neji likes?" Ino asked excitedly.

"Hm…no…" Sakura replied with a frown and both girls stopped a minute to think.

"Who cares?" Ino shrugged, "We can just get Sasuke-kun up in pink and Neji-kun in purple and it'll all be good!"

"Oh, Ino!" Her best friend giggled, "You're so good at this kind of thing!"

"I know!" The blond laughed and they skipped hand in hand into the sunset.

Or that's what everyone would like to say except it was noon and they were creeping people out with their stereotypical thoughts of what colors Neji and Sasuke should dress in.

* * *

When Sasuke finally managed to sit down on his comfy bed, he really thought that he could get in a few hours of peace and quiet before the hellish night began. Maybe he deserved to be disturbed for being so naïve. 

After no more than a minute and 23 seconds, he heard the doorbell ring. Then whoever it was rang it a few hundred times consecutively and almost blew out his eardrums.

"What!" He half-snarled in pain while trying to cover his years when he opened the door.

He stared at Sakura and Ino's faces for a while.

Oh, the temptation of slamming the door…

"We came to make you over!" They chorused at once, and the pretty Uchiha's hand really almost slammed the door shut.

However, before he was even to the doorknob, Ino dragged Sakura into his house and cooed over his pretty stuff.

Before he could get in a word, they grabbed him and dragged him protesting all the way to his room.

"We said we were going to make you over, and we are!" Sakura smiled.

Sasuke looked at her sideways. He had seen some pretty scary people in his life…but that smile on her face…that smile…

He swallowed a huge ball of fear in his throat when Ino whipped out a make-up case and Sakura whipped out a few million brushes.

* * *

"Ow…_ow…_" Sasuke ground out through his clenched teeth and prayed for instant death. 

Sakura was practically yanking his hair out trying to get it into another position. Why didn't the woman understand that he was just born like that? Of COURSE he had tried to get it in another position before, but the hundreds of dollars he blew on gel might as well have been flushed down the toilet because it did absolutely **nothing** for him.

"Hey! Don't go in there!"

The pretty Uchiha called out in annoyance to Ino who had previously been rummaging through his closet.

"You're not allowed to go into the bathroom!"

Ino just looked at him like he must have been joking.

"Too bad!" She grinned and waltzed in.

"Oh great…" Sasuke muttered and shook his head.

"Stop moving around!" Sakura yelled at him impatiently, "You want me to pull your hair out?"

Sasuke came **so** close to just cutting all his hair off and running.

"Kill me…"

* * *

Ino giggled evilly as she heard Sakura pampering a pretty little doll by the name of Sasuke. They sounded so much like a couple it was frightening…but OH so juicy… 

Taking her focus off of them for a while, she turned around in Sasuke's bathroom and felt her jaw hit the floor.

It was **huge**.

A big bathtub, carpeting through the whole thing, 4 pairs of fuzzy slippers, and what seemed to be closet.

"This is freaking bigger than my house…" She muttered unbelievably and began the journey.

Her mom has always told her that to see what a man was really like, you have to go through his medicine and hygiene cabinet. It was a weird thing to teach your daughter, but Ino began to understand why after opening Sasuke's bathroom mirror.

Facial scrub?

How girly…

Pore cleansers?

Girly.

Scented bubble bath crystals?

Childish AND girly.

Age-defying wrinkle cream?

Gir-

**What?**

Ino inspected the container very closely in disbelief. Her mom used this stuff…

Shuddering at the obscurity of it all, she quickly let herself out, but finally understood the connections.

This _bathroom_ is why he had such beautiful and glowing skin.

* * *

"Please?" 

"No."

"Please?" Desperate this time.

"_No_." Starting to get pissed.

"For me…?"

"Oh well if it's for you then of course I will."

"Really?" Sakura squealed excitedly.

"For the love of my sanity NO!" Sasuke growled at her and felt his eyes starting to twitch.

"But it's only for one night!" Sakura wailed and pouted unhappily.

She thought about it for a while.

"What if I make a deal with you to not say anything to you for a month?"

"No-" Sasuke cut off abruptly. "…Really?"

"Sure!" She said.

"Well…" He sighed in defeat. "Fine…"

Sakura smirked. She knew her man well…

"What are you smirking about?" Sasuke demanded and Sakura shook her head quickly.

"Nothing! Just go put it on!"

He sighed again and walked towards his bathroom. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Ino as he passed by. The only thought going through his brain was how he was going to live down being seen in a flaming neon pink shirt.

* * *

"He's gone to go change." Ino whispered to Sakura. 

"I know!" Sakura whispered back. "You want to leave him and go bother–er–help Neji now?"

"Yes!" The blond hissed at her best friend and both of them chuckled ominously as they jumped out Sasuke's window into the unsuspecting world.

Does _anybody _use the door anymore?

* * *

Neji had been feeling itchy as if impending doom was going to smack him in the faceany timeduring this day. He didn't know why, but as soon as he had left (also known as run away) from the hospital, he had started to get a funny feeling like something bad was going to happen. 

He had NO idea it was going to come in the form of two crazy women.

"Neji!" Someone squealed when he opened the door.

"We're here to make you over-"

"-So you can look presentable on your date-"

"-With the one and only-"

"**Sasuke-kun!**"Two voices screeched in unison in his ear.

He didn't even have time to react after opening the door. It was a blur of pink and yellow and then he ended up on his living room floor with one on his back yanking his shirt off and the other practically breaking his neck trying to powder his face.

Neji could logically assume it was Sakura and Ino. He was a genius after all.

Deep breath.

"**Get OFF me!**" He gracefully yelled although it wasn't yelling because graceful people didn't yell, "Or I will seriously kill the both of you here and now!"

"Aw…" Ino cooed, "He's so full of hot air. He's so much more fun and cuter when he's drunk!"

Neji felt his face go ten shades redder.

"Get off…" He growled, voice dipping dangerously low.

"Fine, fine…" Ino sighed, "I need to go in your bathroom anyway."

She got off and Neji dusted himself off.

And then she yanked his shirt clear off his body and over his head before running into his bathroom.

"Oh goddam-" Neji tried to start on his list of explicit words but was cut off as Sakura grabbed his cheeks and made a smooching face at him.

"Now put your lips like this so I can put some lip gloss on you."

Neji also almost came **so** close to just cutting off his lips and running.

* * *

Ino gasped again as she quietly closed Neji's bathroom door behind her. 

Did _everyone_ have such gigantic bathrooms?

Shaking her head, the blond started going through Neji's medicine cabinet.

Facial scrub AGAIN?

How girly…

Pore cleansers?

Girly.

Scented bubble bath crystals?

Still just as childish and girly as Sasuke.

Age-defying wrinkle cream?

…**What the HELL was going on?**

Her father AND mother both used this stuff! Why were both Neji AND Sasuke using it?

Feeling completely out of place, Ino left the twilight zone known as Neji's bathroom and entered back into the living room.

Not only was Neji's face glowing like a prom queen, he was also wearing the neon purple shirt they had picked out for him. She was surprised as hell that Sakura had managed to get it on him without using force, but shrugged her surprise off.

"Well, all you have to do now is wait for Sasuke to pick you up!" Sakura said cheerfully and grabbed Ino's hand without another word. Both of them left quickly, but Ino didn't question anything.

Once outside again, the blond grabbed Sakura and grinned wickedly.

"What did you do to get him to agree that fast?"

Sakura smiled. "I told him neither one of us would talk or bother him for two months."

Both girls stared at each other a while before bursting out in laughter.

Best friends really _were_ hard to find…but they had both found each other.

Now if only it wouldn't cause chaos in the world…

* * *

Sasuke cleared his throat uncomfortably as he walked down the street. Oh, the strange looks he was getting was crazy…it would even be funny if he weren't so completely mortified. 

"Look…" He heard someone whisper, "The last Uchiha's finally lost his marbles…"

It took all his willpower not to Chidori the guy's ass.

Smiling painfully, he rounded the corner to the Hyuuga mansion. Sasuke stared at their finely polished wood door for about five minutes.

"Well…" He muttered to himself, "Here goes nothing…"

The door swung open a few seconds after he knocked.

He stared for a while.

And today, this day, went down in history as the day that both Hyuuga Neji AND Uchiha Sasuke fainted dead away.

**((( TBC )))**

WOW. Lol I FINALLY finished something! I apologize endlessly that it took me half a year to update this…but there's so many reasons as to why that I just won't get into it here. Please review if there's anyone still reading this! I promise to see you guys soon!


	9. Guy Got Game

**Disclaimer:** I don't freaking own it if you hadn't noticed already! (Hehehe…everyone would be freaking like bunnies if I did, so be grateful ;P)

**Author's Notes:** I'M ALIVE!!12. Yea, I know I said I would update faster this time, but I am now literally forcing myself to write this thing. No longer interested in naruto. Well…that's a lie, but I'll just stick with it since I haven't updated in so long.

**Warnings:** **VERY VERY** tasteless humor is about to follow. I'm not kidding. It's so tasteless I'm even a little ashamed of it. Please take it with a grain of salt.

_**

* * *

Chapter 9: Guy Got Game**_

_Two men look out through the same bars:  
__One sees the mud, and one the stars._

_**

* * *

Recap (since it has once again, been forever!) **_

_Sasuke is at Neji's door, prepared to take him out on a (hot) date! Unfortunately, when he sees Neji dressed the way that Sakura and Ino got him in, he faints! Fanservice anyone?_

* * *

Neji's entire upper body was achy. 

He already had a headache from all the interference and pure annoyance Sakura and Ino had caused him not too long ago.

Then his doorbell had rung, so he opened it to be half blinded. What the hell was Sasuke thinking, wearing something so damned…neon pink?

And THEN, as if that weren't enough, that stupid Uchiha had the nerve to faint dead away on his doorstep. So of course, conveniently being the only one in the near vicinity, Neji had to drag Sasuke's lifeless body through his long, long, LONG front hallway lined with plush carpet, half carry it a million miles to the other side of the Hyuuga mansion towards the section reserved for guests, then heave him onto a soft, velvet couch to figure out a course of action.

At least his house, though most sane people called it mansion, was decorated well.

Neji sighed. Who knew Sasuke was so heavy? His arms and back hurt from all the manual labor. After fainting, Neji had had no time to take Sasuke's shoes off. His form was now lying on one of Neji's favorite velvet couches…and tracking dirt.

"Oh, will you just get over it and wake up?" Neji muttered, clearly a little pissed from the day's events. If only Sakura and Ino hadn't been so damned conniving!

He leaned a little closer to Sasuke to glare at the poor unconscious boy.

"Hurry up and wake up before I beat you awake!" Neji muttered again.

How uncharacteristic of him to talk to himself!

He once again leaned closer still, hoping the death glares he was sending may somehow reach Sasuke's subconscious, prompting him to wake up.

"Get up you poophead!"

* * *

Sakura and Ino sat idly on a bench, neither saying a word. 

Well, we can all see the problem with that.

"We shouldn't." Ino stated.

"I know…" Sakura trailed off.

More silence ensued.

Passer-bys looked at them and then looked at the sky to see if the apocalypse had come. Sakura and Ino being idle? Sacrilege!

"We'll get in trouble."

Sakura nodded. "I know."

Tumbleweed rolled across the empty street in front of the two girls.

"Ah, hell, let's just go spy on them anyway."

So they left.

* * *

"Shh…" Ino shushed her best friend as they drew closer still to Neji's mansion. 

"I know!" Sakura hissed for the nth time, then looked at the blonde suddenly. "How do we know where they are in this mansion?"

Ino smiled in a way nobody normal would care for. "I planned this out in my head. If my calculations were correct, Sasuke-kun would be so floored when he sees Neji that they're going to lose all self-control and tackle each other right in the front hallway! Since they know they must reserve at least _some _dignity, Neji would most likely drag Sasuke-kun to an inconspicuous part of the mansion. That being said…they're probably in the guest section of the mansion right now doing the dirty."

Sakura just gaped.

"…You **calculated** all of this in your head??" She screamed in a whisper. Was her friend really this evil and twisted?

And dear lord, what a **sight** that would make, having two hottie lone wolves go at each other like bunnies!

Gah! She was turning into a pervert!

Sakura quickly shook her head to attempt to get the dirty thoughts out of her head, but honestly, would anyone WANT to get that image out of their heads?

"That would be so hot…" She murmured unconsciously.

Ino grinned. "I know…"

All attempts to be normal failed. Any attempt to attempt another attempt aborted. Before long, they were just crawling around the first floor windows and chatting like mad what they each wanted to happen in that little room the date was taking place.

* * *

"Do you hear whispering?" Hinata asked quietly. 

"Actually…" Tenten tilted her head to the side; "I hear a lot of hushed squeals and bursts of giggling."

She looked over at her pale-eyed friend and they both turned to look at the Hyuuga mansion.

"Don't you think that's weird?" The brunette asked, "You guys can see through walls. How can there possibly be people on crazy pills crawling outside your walls without someone like Neji noticing?"

Hinata looked startled. She hadn't even thought about that.

"You're right…" She finally said after a while, "I think we should investigate."

So, putting their elaborate plan into action, the two girls quietly walked up the exposed front walkway to find their crazy lunatics and lock them away.

When they actually found the source of the whispering and hushing, both of them deadpanned.

"It's Sakura and Ino." Hinata said.

"I know." Tenten replied, "But I think they more than qualify for crazy lunatics if they're willing to sneak around outside the Hyuuga mansion and talk that loudly."

A moment of silence ensued.

"What are they talking about?" Hinata questioned incredulously, seeing as how she could understand about one word out of twenty that spewed from the two girls' mouths.

"Oh ignore them…" Tenten muttered while rolling her eyes, "They're just speaking fangirl."

More silence.

"Hey!" The weapons specialist barked, "What do you two think you're doing?"

Sakura and Ino jumped about three feet into the air, and Tenten only then realized they hadn't noticed her and Hinata standing behind them the whole time.

She was just about to start lecturing them when Sakura abruptly cut her off.

"They're in there doing the nasty!!!!" She cried excitedly, and Hinata felt her whole body go cold.

Tenten quirked an eyebrow at them. "Who are we talking about and _why_, pray tell, are you going to WATCH them while they're doing it?"

Ino and Sakura shared an excited squeal that got dogs in a two block radius to start barking at.

"It's Neji and Sasuke-kun!!!!"

Now Tenten felt her body go cold.

"…What…" Both her and Hinata questioned flatly, unable to believe such absurdity.

"We're not kidding!" Ino exclaimed, "They're seriously in there, so all we need to do now is find where their room is and…observe!"

Tenten only took one moment to look over at Neji's poor, distraught, innocent cousin before turning back, fully prepared to do some yelling and smacking.

* * *

Neji was silently smoldering in his crouched position, unaware that his face was about 3 uncomfortable inches away from Sasuke's. All he wanted was the dumb Uchiha to wake up so they could all get on with their lives and he could get over this dating fiasco as fast as possible. 

Gay. Pshaw. He loved Tenten too much to think about anything else.

Just as he got distracted and lost in thought, Sasuke picked this particular moment to wake up and open his eyes.

It had been a nice, dark dream. Tsunade had fallen into a ditch somewhere and couldn't climb out, so he had stood next to the edge and laughed while pointing childishly. It was lovely.

However, when he opened his (sexy) onyx eyes, he was met with no more than extremely pale skin, a tight mouth, and two seemingly gaping nostrils of someone hovering over him.

"Eh…!" He grunted, more out of surprise than fear, though he wasn't lacking in the latter, and reflexively brought his arms up to push the giant face away.

Neji was surprised to say the least when he felt Sasuke smoke him in the face.

He let out a startled yelp as he lost all balance and fell backwards, landing with a thud.

"Sasuke!" He proclaimed loudly, even more pissed now than he was before, having had dragged dead weight for a mile, waited around for almost half an hour for said dead weight to wake his ass up, and then getting smoked in the face with Sasuke's elbow to top it off! How much worse could the day get?

He had to ask.

* * *

The four kunoichi were fighting a verbal battle of epic proportions over the ethical and moral issues of spying on Neji and Sasuke doing the dirty when they all heard something that stopped them cold. 

A grunt from Sasuke.

Followed by a thud.

"Sasuke!" They all heard Neji proclaim in a defining finish.

Deathly silence fell over the girls.

Sakura managed to collect her wits long enough to give Tenten a pointed "I-told-you-so" look.

Tenten was just about to open her mouth and try and defend herself when Neji's voice floated out of the window.

"What did you do that for?" The Hyuuga's voice yelled.

"It's your fault for being that close!" Sasuke's reply came. "What kind of normal person just hovers like that?"

"Well I didn't know how long you were just going to lie there, did I?" The retort came.

The four kunoichi standing outside stared at each other. This conversation was so…so…

Well. What else COULD they be talking about?

"You know what?" Sasuke's voice asked, "Let's just move on."

A moment of silence.

"Fine." Came Neji's blank reply.

* * *

The two boys stared at each other for a moment longer before Neji finally gave in. What was the point in acting all cool and mysterious in front of another guy who basically did the same thing he did? And besides, they had to be here for the whole day anyway, so they might as well do something that wasn't completely and utterly useless like staring at each other. 

Neji stood up and motioned for Sasuke to follow him.

Once in the hallway, he worked up the nerve to ask what was on his mind.

"You like videogames?"

* * *

Silence. 

That's all there was.

"Where did they go?" Sakura whispered, clearly confused by the turn of events.

Ino glanced back at Tenten, who was trying and failing not to look interested in what was going on.

"I think they may have relocated to another destination in search of an atmosphere that can obtain optimal results for male bonding."

Tenten and Sakura looked at the blonde, not sure who was talking. Since when was Ino that articulate?

"Right…" Sakura trailed off. "Anyway, we've got to follow them! Where do you think they'll be?"

"Why are we following them?" Hinata asked, voice small and person clearly more than a little uncomfortable with the situation. It wasn't everyday that people were trying to persuade her into following her anti-social cousin so the lot of them could spy on him doing impure things that should never be mentioned.

"Because!" Ino answered in exasperation, "Just because! Hinata-chan, you're too young to understand. You'll learn about it someday, when the time comes."

"But we're the same age!" Hinata exclaimed.

"Yeah, well…bah! Whatever! Let's just go to the living room!" Sakura replied.

"Why the living room?"

"Because that's where you do stuff."

"Like what?" Tenten dared to venture.

"Like television, of course!" Sakura said.

"And why are we going to stare at them watching television?"

"Because they might kiss while they're doing it! Look, stop asking so many questions!"

And with that, the four girls, two willing and two grudgingly willing to follow, made their way along the walls to where the living room would be.

* * *

Sasuke was surprised. If anything, he never pegged Neji to be a video game person, much less a hardcore gamer geek. But here he was, sitting on a stool in front of Neji's television with the Wii Remote in hand, trying desperately to get Link through the Forest Temple. 

"I love this thing." He said, cool demeanor all but gone. The atmosphere certainly had lightened ever since Sasuke had laid eyes on a Wii, sitting idly in Neji's living room. He wanted one himself, since it was by far the best video game console ever created, but was too afraid someone would find out and deem him uncool for being a gamer.

"I know." Neji replied. "And it wasn't expensive either. I love my Wii."

Sasuke snickered.

"Oh, shut up and tell me when you graduate from being 4 years old!" The Hyuuga rolled his eyes at Sasuke.

"You love your Wii." The Uchiha continued.

All right, so he was immature beyond belief. But, Neji realized, there wouldn't be another opportunity like this to bond with someone so similar to himself. Oh well. He could stand to be immature for a day.

"All right, why don't we get it all out of our systems?" He asked.

* * *

"Ok, we're here!" Ino whispered. "I hear their voices." 

The four of them stayed silent, and heard Neji saying something.

"I love my wee. I play with my wee all the time. I look forward to playing with my wee everyday before I get home. I can play with my wee for hours on end. There. Are you happy now?"

They heard Sasuke laugh.

Woah…Sasuke was laughing?

And for that matter, **WOAH**, what the HELL was Neji talking about?

They obviously misunderstood that what they were actually hearing was Wii. But, to their ears, Wii equals wee. Oh well, same difference.

Hinata looked like she was about to have a brain aneurysm. Sakura and Ino looked very excited, for some odd reason. Tenten was thinking about her immense arsenal of weapons. Which one would be best to stick between Neji's ribs the next time she saw him? Hard decision indeed…

A glorious moment of silence echoed through the Hyuuga compound.

"Oi, you're doing it all wrong!" They heard Neji almost yell.

That got all their attentions.

"I know that, but do you know how hard it is?" Sasuke demanded.

Sakura and Ino each smothered their screams into their arms and cursed Neji for not pulling the drapes up so they could actually see what was going on.

Hinata covered her ears with her hands and turned impossibly red. Tenten had on a mask of blankness and indifference, but only because if she were forced to emote, she would probably scream and rip her ears off.

"I know it's hard, but I've done this tons of times already!" Neji replied.

"That's you! You've done this so much more than I have!"

"It doesn't matter. Hey, watch it! That doesn't go there! No, no, no! You have to put-yeah, ok! That's right. Put it there. Now you can see the entrance, see?"

"Oh…!" Sasuke sounded delighted. "I get it now! So…should I go in?"

"Of course, you idiot! Stop wasting my time and get on with it already!"

Two fangirls giggled unhealthily outside. The other two just stood in horrified silence.

**_An hour later…_**

"You're almost there! Come on! Go! Faster!" Neji demanded.

"I'm going, I'm going! Sheesh! You're such a slave driver!" Sasuke retorted.

By now, the entire audience of four outside was sitting around in a circle. It had taken almost a full half hour, but Tenten and Hinata finally got desensitized by what was going on inside to care anymore. So, they had opted to sit next to Sakura and Ino and wait patiently for the two boys inside to…finish.

"You know, they sure have stamina…" Sakura whispered, eyes a little too wide to be normal.

"Yeah!" Ino replied, "They've been going at it for over an hour!"

"There! You're practically done! Now just stick it in all the way and you'll FINALLY be done!!!!!" They heard Neji exclaim in excitement.

Which was so wrong, Neji being excited, but they were too preoccupied with his words anyway.

"Augh!" Sasuke groaned.

A moment of silence.

"FINALLY!!!" The four girls heard both boys exclaim, and then heard Sasuke utter a sigh of immense relief.

"My arm's really tired now." The Uchiha stated.

"All right, we'll take a break, I guess. But I still can't believe how long it took for you to finish! I think I only took 40 minutes!"

"Yeah, well, that's you!"

"Fine, fine. It was your first time. I don't blame you. Come on, let's take a break."

Silence followed.

"They've…left." Hinata whispered.

"Yup." Tenten said.

"It was…Sasuke-kun's first time…" Sakura sighed.

"Yup." Tenten said.

"I'm…I'm…" Ino stuttered.

"Yup." Tenten said.

"Well." Sakura declared finally, "Let's go knock and see if we can get any information about how the relationship will progress from here."

Wordlessly, the four of them got up and trudged to the front door.

Tenten's mind was in turmoil. What did this mean? Well, it was obvious. But what did this mean for her? For her and Neji as a whole? Did this completely put an end to any hope that she may have? Was this all there was?

* * *

"I still think Ocarina of Time was better." Sasuke mused. 

"Yeah, I guess so." Neji shrugged. "But you have to admit, the graphics in this Zelda game are phenomenal."

"Right, right." The Uchiha responded.

The two carried on the conversation.

"Sasuke, your face is all red." Neji said.

"I can't help it." Sasuke replied in a huff, "This is what happens when I play video games. Too much excitement and visual stimulation, I tell you! That's why I was hesitant in buying a Wii at all!"

"Mm…I guess that makes sense." Neji replied as the two of them walked up to the front door. "In that case, I guess we should get some fresh air."

And with that, he opened the door.

* * *

Sakura was just about to knock when the massive front door to the Hyuuga mansion swung open. 

Four girls stared up at two boys for a long moment of silence.

They absorbed Sasuke's flushed face.

"Uh…what are you girls doing here…?" Neji started to ask.

Sakura and Ino were just about to open their mouths and demand details or deal with the consequence of blackmail when Tenten pushed them aside and stomped right up to Neji.

"Neji." She stated flatly.

Neji gulped. He had never seen this type of determined look on Tenten's face before.

She, on the other hand, was feeling more nervous than she had ever felt before in a lifetime. There was that small, burning hope deep down inside of her that this whole thing was a misunderstanding. Maybe…maybe they were talking about something else, and it just sounded wrong to the unknowing ear.

"What were you guys doing in there?" She demanded, as straight forward as possible.

Neji and Sasuke glanced around at the four girls, understanding nothing of what was going on.

"What?" Neji asked innocently. "I was just letting Sasuke play with my wee."

((( **TBC **)))

Right then. That was stupid humor, wasn't it? Anywho, next chapter's the **last** chapter. Yeah, I'm not kidding. Lol. The end is in sight! And…I apologize for not updating for 11 months. Ehehe. Review!


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